Trying To Live Without You
by Ms. Jordie C
Summary: "A sudden stillness in the far side of the cafeteria caught my scorched eyes and I turned my head to look." - What if the Cullens had never come back? What if Bella was abused by Charlie and bitten by Victoria? What happens when she enrols back in Forks High School and they are there? - Lots of twists, dramatic events and lots of love!- Happy ending promised! *All Canon Couples.*
1. Chapter One: Time To Think

**Author's Note: Enjoy my lovelies! I don't own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does!**

Chapter One: Flashback Transformation.

I stared dejectedly out of window, my thoughts swirling into a incomprehensible mess. Ever since _they_ left, the notions of my life had been severely altered resulting in myself being sucked into a neverending spiral of depression. When the Cullens were with me, I wanted nothing more than to have an eternal life to spend with them but ever since they uprooted and disappeared, an infinite life without them seemed impossible. Pointless.

The wish I once wanted more than anything soon became my nightmare. How could I cope without the family I loved more than anything else? I didn't want to be a vampire anymore, I didn't want the endless days to melt away without someone to spend them with. How would I live?

But alas, fate decided to turn against me; lashing out at me with it's fury. Firstly, making my reason for existing,_ Edward_, leave me in cold, hard words. Then; my own father turning against me.

I remember the first time, _it _happened. At the start, it was harmless. Forgivable. A gentle slap on the face from Charlie for answering back. A swift punch in the stomach for screaming. All acceptable things until alcohol entered the situation. Charlie used to come home from the station intoxicated and who was there to deal with his anger? Me. Who was there to be his personal punchbag? Me. I took it all; telling myself I deserved it.

Broken bones, deserved them.

Loss of blood, deserved that.

Bruises from Charlie's belt, deserved every single one.

I look back on it and realised why he did it. I was a nuisance, a waste of space, breathing in oxygen that I didn't deserve.

Yet, the words Charlie shouted at me, hurt me more than anything else. Left scars that I can't get rid of.

_Why would Edward want someone like you?!_

_I don't blame them for leaving!_

_Waste of space, waste of time, waste of breath, waste of energy! Bella, your a waste! _

They hurt more than the kicks Charlie delivered, the punches Charlie swung at me. Hurt more than anything. Almost more than anything.. I remember something much, much worse..

-Flashback-

I ran out of the house, my eyes lifeless, skin sallow, blood trickling from my lip. I stumbled into the forest, gulping in deep breaths as the hole in my heart ripped open even more. Everyone had turned against me, my own father, my one true love.. Did I deserve such a hard life? I sunk down onto a fallen tree trunk and cried. Tears poured out of my inanimate eyes and I couldn't stop; everything that had happened suddenly slammed down onto me and I couldn't cope. Couldn't put on a brave face for everyone to see.

A musical chuckle echoed in the dark forest and my head shot up, instantly alert. Was I hearing things? I peered into the gloom, trying to see where the sound had come from, but it was too dark. A slight dot of orange peeked around a tree, but I ignored it. It was nothing. My thoughts once again diverted to _Edward's_ perfect laugh, the sound of a thousand symphonies.. How I missed it. How I missed him.

"Bella." A velvet voice sneered, jostling me out of my daydreaming. I glanced up and froze, my heart skipped a few beats, my forehead broke out into a clammy sweat and I began to shake with fear. I couldn't escape. My breath was coming in and out in short, wheezy gasps and my head became dizzy.

"Victoria.." I whispered, my throat dry and raw. She stood a few feet away in a feline like posture. Her wild, orange framed her perfect eternal face but her features were contorted with malice and anger. My gaze locked onto a pair of onyx black eyes; they seemed to be laughing at the way I looked. She was hungry and in that second, I was sure I was going to die.

"Did you miss me?" Victoria purred as she took a graceful step forward. I gulped; leaning away from here. As if that would make any difference..

"Answer me!" She growled, taking another step towards me.

"Yes- I mean.. No? I-I.." I stuttered, unable to sound coherent as her eyes held me gaze. Victoria chuckled as she skipped to my side; leaning into me.

"Good; although I'm sure Edward wouldn't like me being here, would he?" She smirked cockily. I flinched at _his_ name and bit my lip, trying not to let all the sudden memories flood my head.

"He's not.. He's not here. They left. All of them." I whispered, letting a few tears escape and run down my face. Victoria's smile suddenly dropped and her eyes blazed.

"Left?! What do you mean left?!" She hissed, grabbing hold of my hair and yanking my head back. I yelped out in pain but she ignored it; waiting for an answer.

"They- didn't- tell- me- where-they-went." I moaned, through cries. Her fingernails dug into my scalp, allowing blood to escape in droplets.

"Ruined my plan.. How dare they.." Victoria muttered to herself but I remained silent.

"That's such a shame, Bella. It is indeed. I was hoping to kill you infront of them, but it appears I'm unable to do such a thing.. What to do with you.. What to do.." She announced, letting go of my hair. My head throbbed.

"Kill me. Please.. I-I don't want to live. Without them, it's useless." I begged, my eyes brimming with tears.

"Killing you would be too easy.. Unless.." Victoria scoffed, but her eyes glinted with an idea.

"Please." I murmured, wishing for death for more than anything.

"Killing you would rid you of your pain and I don't want to do that.. No indeed. I want to make you suffer, the way I suffered and the way I will for eternity. Without your love!" She screeched; leaning in closer towards me. My face instantly paled. I knew what she was about to do and I didn't want it. I couldn't live that way. Live without _him_ or _them_..

"No, please! Anything but that!" I shrieked, scrambling off the log and backing away from her. Her eyes glinted and her mouth twisted into a sick smile.

"Just that."

"No.. Pleas-" But I couldn't finish; her hand was instantly over my mouth and her mouth a centimetre away from my neck.

"Have a good eternal life, Bella." Victoria chuckled as her teeth slid over my neck.

-End of Flashback-

So, here I am. A vampire, doomed to an eternal life without any of the people to make my life worth living. It's been 100 years since and each day, I've gotten worse. Without the Cullens, nothing seems right, infact, nothing is right!

They are all memories; unwilling to become anything more. I've tried to move out of Forks but something is keeping me behind; a feeling. Something deep inside of me.

I just hope that one of these days I will start to get better, start moving on. But I doubt it; very much.

Forks High School, the place of so many memories. The first time I saw them, the conversation _him_ and I had. The place where he saved my life..

And I was going back there..

**Author's Note: So what do you think?! Review, favourite and follow! Love you all!**


	2. Chapter Two: Seeing You Again

**Author's Note: Enjoy everyone!+ Please review, more reviews, means more chapters!:)**

Chapter Two: Hurt All Over Again.

Don't ask my reasons on why I'm going back as I'm not even sure myself. Part of me was telling me not to go as I'd get hurt all over again but I wasn't listening to it; what could possibly be there that could hurt me? Aside from the fact that it's the place where I met and fell in love with _Edward_. The name tugged at my heart strings but tears don't spring to my eyes; I can never cry again. I glanced at the clock, it flashed 8:50am. School starts in 15 minutes; I don't dare get there any earlier. If I arrive before everyone else, I'll started remembering everything that happened there and that will cause nothing but memories and pain. I can't take it anymore; one more thing and I'm sure I'll breakdown.

I quickly glanced in the mirror, checking my appearance and outfit. I'm sure Alice would approve; the sudden thought of her ripped the hole in my chest that I'd tried so hard to keep closed. I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath, willing the memories out of my head and the pain out of my heart. I can do this. I opened my black eyes, aware that I hadn't hunted for weeks. Or was it months? I find no satisfaction when I hunt; it doesn't rid me of any pain, doesn't make me feel any stronger. Without my family, I'm weak; no matter how much blood I drink.

I flattened out a crease in my jeans, rubbed a dark smudge off my cream Vans and swirled my hair around my face. I was as ready as I'd ever be. I snatched my car keys off the cabinet and flitted downstairs; not bothering to lock up the house. Who would dare break into a vampire's home? A weak smile stretched across my lips but it immediately fell. I never smiled. Ever.

I slid into my Ferrari F430, relishing the purr of the engine, the soft leather that surrounded me. I glided my hands over the wheel as I reversed out of the garage, trying not to think about what I was getting myself into. I turned around corners, well known streets I'd passed before, the difference was the Cullens weren't there. I swallowed heavily as I drifted through the school gates and into a empty parking spot; ignoring the stares my car was receiving.

I gripped the steering wheel; willing myself to calm down, nothing was going to happen. I took a deep breath and peeked out of my side window; wondering whether my car was conspicuous. My eyes swept the parking lot, frowning at the old and rusty vehicles; it seems I was going to stand out a lot more than I wanted to.

My gaze locked on a Volvo, silver in colour, same model. Same everything.. My heart lurched into my mouth and my body immediately locked down, not letting me move. I couldn't breathe; I was completely paralyzed. Would it be them? Could I deal with seeing their faces again? I closed my eyes, trying to think straight. I could either drive away and never come back or I could carry on and act like I was no one they'd ever met before. Would I be able to be around them and pretend I'd never met them before? Possibly. I was strong enough; wasn't I?

I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car, shaking my head slightly at the faces of the students that had spotted me. All of my beauty was a trap; a disguise to lure my prey in, I was more dangerous than any of their nightmares put together. I locked up my car and gracefully strode over to the main office, wanting to turn around and run away but my feet kept on walking. I pushed open the door and stepped inside the claustrophobic room; nothing's changed. The only difference was the receptionist; she was a young girl, perhaps 20 years old? Her fashion sense was dreadful and I repressed a shudder as I cleared my throat to catch her attention. The girl's head shot up and her eyes appraised my looks and outfit; I rolled my eyes and rested my hands on the desk.

"I'm Izzy Masen, the new girl. I've come to collect my schedule." I stated, trying to look interested. Of course I lied about my name; I did it to cover my tracks incase I met _them_ again. The receptionist looked slightly dazed; so I drummed my fingers on the wooden bureau to snap her out of her thoughts.

"Ah yes, Izzy. We've been expecting you. Here's your timetable and map." She explained, pulling several papers out of a precariously stacked pile and showing me the best way to get to each of my lessons. I let her drone on, ignoring every word she was saying.

"Thank you very much." I thanked her once she had finished her little speech.

"Your welcome and have a wonderful time at Forks High." The receptionist called as I sauntered out of the office. Yeah right, like I'd ever have a good time here.

The bell must of signalled as the parking lot was slowly emptying of students and cars were finally being locked up and left. I strode towards my first lesson; brushing off the lusty stares and jealous looks I was getting off the school population. On the outside, I looked calm and collected but deep down, I was shaking with nerves. Was that the Cullen Volvo? What would I do if they were here? Questions buzzed inside my head as I pushed open the classroom door. I was deep in my thoughts as I gave a slip to the teacher; he seated me at the back of the class where I sat for the remaining hour, trying to push the distinct memories of the conversation _Edward_ and I had in English, a few weeks before_ they_ left. I rubbed my temples, willing the words out of my head. I can't listen to them again.

I wasn't aware of the bell as it sounded for lunch; the worst time in the entire school day. The canteen held so much I remember. The first time I saw _them_, the time I sat with_Edward_. Sometimes the memories are worth the pain; I thought as I glided out of the classroom.

_I can do this. _

I sucked in a deep breath, took a step forward and pushed open the canteen doors. Several pairs of eyes turned to stare at me; but luckily none topaz coloured. Just greens, blues and greys. I sighed out in relief and stepped inside the canteen, letting the smell of revolting human food wash over me.

A sudden stillness in the far side of the cafeteria caught my scorched eyes and I turned my head to look. My body froze, my head locked, my thoughts span. It's _them_. Here I was, standing in the same room of people that I love, yet they just don't care that I love them. They don't care whether or not I live or die. To them I'm just another girl, just another stranger. To me, they are my best friends, the only people I have left.

The memories I kept on strict lockdown flooded my mind; making me remember.

_"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." His eyes cold, voice harsh._

_You... don't... want me?"_

_"No."_

I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my chest to stop the hole ripping open. I can't do this anymore. I can't cope with this pain. Could the Volturi rid me of the memories? Break my neck and make me forget? I wonder.. I sat at the nearest empty table; not bothering on getting any lunch, it's not as if I'd eat it anyway. I rested my head in my hands and gasped in a deep breath, scents hit me like a wrecking ball but I ignored them; nothing ever appealed to me.

I permitted myself one glance at the Cullens, any longer and I'd get hurt all over again. Just breathe, Bella; I told myself as I looked up.

"Just hit play and watch my life fall apart." I muttered under my breath.

Their faces in my new eyesight astonished me; my weak human eyes did no justice to their beauty.

Alice was holding her head up in her delicate, pale hands. She was staring out of the window, grief apparent in her topaz eyes. Her ink black hair stuck up in several different directions, yet she suited it. Something was bothering her, you could see it.

Next to her was Jasper. His eyes were laced with apologies; yet they were transfixed on Alice. His honey blonde hair hung over his face as if he was embarrassed with himself.

On the other side of Alice was Emmett. His gaze was on the ceiling; it seemed he was trying to control whatever he was feeling. The muscles under his shirt bulged and rippled; he seemed more intimidating than before.

Beside Emmett was Rosalie. Her eyes were filled with anger but she was fixtated on Emmett, rubbing soothing circles in his back. Her perfect blonde hair hung in loose curls that framed her perfect face. She was as beautiful as ever.

I swallowed loudly before looking to the next Cullen. The one I loved, the one I missed. The one that didn't want me. I might smile but I don't mean it. I miss how we used to be. I miss how it was so real how we cared for each other without end but most of all, I miss him always being there and telling me everything will be okay because I need that now. More than ever.

His face was one of an angel. Beautiful; heartbreakingly stunning. His hair was tousled, the same unusual shade of bronze. His eyes were black; ancient with loss and regret. He was troubled, not bothering to put up his calm facade. I hated to see him like this. Seeing how angry and lost he was. What happened to the care- free Edward? The one with the smile that reached his liquid topaz eyes?

The canteen doors swung open, the breeze of the air captured my scent and wafted it over to the Cullens. Their heads immediately snapped up, searching for the smell of a vampire.

"Only smells like one is here." Alice spoke quickly, a human wouldn't hear anything but the words were crystal clear to me.

"Can you spot them?" Rosalie hissed, her melodic voice high pitched.

"Over there, near the canteen doors." Jasper pointed out; all their gazes diverting to me.

"It can't be.. She looks just like.." Emmett's eyes widened as he took in my appearance.

"It's Izzy Masen, the new girl. Not Bella." Edward's monotone voice echoed through my head, sending chills through my body. What happened to him? His voice was dull and rough, just like mine.

"It looks just like her." Emmett said sadly, shaking his head. I stood up immediately; not wanting to hear them say anything more with their depressing voices. Something was seriously wrong with them. It pained me to see them how they were.

Edward's eyes briefly flickered into my lifeless eyes. _Love, life, meaning.. over._ The hole ripped open; leaving me breathless and Jasper gasping.

"Jasper! Jasper, what's wrong?!" Alice asked anxiously, placing her hands on his. I quickly bottled up my emotions so he wasn't in pain anymore. He sucked in a deep breath and shook his head; my pain had left him gasping for air.

"So-much-pain-from-her." Jasper explained inbetween breaths. Alice kept looking at him anxiously.

"Sorry." I muttured, my voice strained. They heard me clearly.

"Vegetarian?" Alice questioned, her head turned in curiousty.

"I don't hunt at all." I admitted, sitting back down on my empty table and twiddling my thumbs. Their faces were masks of shock.

"When was the last time you hunted?" Emmett asked incredulous. I thought for a second; was it last year? Or the year before?

"Few years ago." I mumbled, diverting my gaze to the table, hearing their sharp intakes of breath.

"Come to ours after school." Alice instructed; looking at me with stern eyes. Could I go back? Could I see their house again without breaking down? Pretend that I never knew them and act like Carlisle and Esme were never my parents? I could try. For them.

"It's not as if I have anything else to do with my pointless life." I answered, admitting how depressed I really was. Edward looked at me as if he knew how I was feeling. If only.


	3. Chapter Three: How Extraordinary!

**Author's Note: Hope you enjoy! + Please review; it means the world.**

Chapter Three: What An Extraordinary Power!

Well I never thought I'd be here again; stood outside the Cullens, getting soaked by the September rain. I stayed where I was, contemplating on turning around and walking away. Did I have the right to walk back into their life when they made it clear they didn't want me in it anymore? It hurt enough for them not to recognise me; could I possibly stand in their house and act like I'd never been in there before? I shook my head as I knocked on the front door, the rain trickling down my back. It swung open and I stepped inside.

The house was exactly as I remembered it; whitewashed walls, wooden floors, beautiful paintings. The only difference was the lack of laughter; the once light atomosphere was now tense and harsh. I took a deep breath and followed the retreating figure of Alice into the Cullen's living room; the silence deafening. I didn't like it.

"You must Izzy Masen, the new girl. I'm Carlisle Cullen and this is my wife, Esme. I'm sure you've met our children; Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Edward." Carlisle greeted as he stood up from the two piece suite. Something wasn't right, his manners were forced and his smile was nothing but a mask.

"Nice to meet all of you." I responded quietly, taking in the handsome appearance of Carlisle and the beauty from Esme. She smiled slightly but it held nothing but politeness.

"Please, sit down." Esme ushered me towards the the armchair but I only perched myself on the edge. Carlisle and Esme seated themselves back down; shifting as if they were trying to get comfortable.

"So Izzy; may I ask your diet preference? Your eyes give nothing away." Carlisle asked, chuckling slightly. The corners of my lips twitched up but nothing more.

"Vegetarian, when I do hunt that is.." I trailed off, seeing Esme's confused face.

"When you hunt? When was the last time you fed?" Carlisle questioned, his brow furrowed in curiousty. I started to quickly work out the years; making mental calculations instantly.

"5 years ago, give or take a few months." I answered, placing my hands in my laps. The truth was, I was slightly embarrassed by this confession. I mean, what vampire doesn't hunt? Everyone's eyes widened and their jaws slacked.

"Yet you manage to stay around humans?" Jasper asked; his voice incredulous.

"I've dealt with worse pain." I shrugged, my words were truthful.

_Human blood_- Nothing compared to your existence leaving you.

_Vampire transformation_- Not a scratch compared to losing the one you loved.

"Is there a reason behind your lack of hunting?" Carlisle interrupted my thoughts, clearly concerned and curious. I paused for a moment, wondering to tell him the truth.

"I lost my mate." My face crumpled and I put my head in my hands; the rush of memories making me dizzy.

"Without him I'm weak; defenceless. My life is pointless, has no meaning to it anymore. I only go on because I know he'd want me to. Blood doesn't make me stronger; it makes me faster and stronger. What's the point of speed when you have no one to race? What's the point of strength when you have no one to wrestle with? Hunting is a burden as is my life." I admitted, closing my eyes and rubbing my temples, trying not to breakdown.

An arm wrapped around my shoulder and squeezed tightly, comforting me. I slowly fluttered my arms to see Alice beside me, her smile and eyes sympathetic. It was reassuring to know my former best friend would still try soothe me. I loved her to pieces.

"I just hope one of these days, I will get better." I confessed, noticing how Edward's eyes were filled with understanding; showing me that he felt the same but I knew he didn't.

"It will." Alice's soft musical voice assured me but I raised an eyebrow at her assumption.

"Psychic." She beamed proudly, clearly talking about her ability to see into the future.

"Empath." Jasper chirped up, raising his hand slightly as if he was answering a question. The rest of the Cullens looked towards Edward as if they were expecting an answer.

"Mind reader." His tone was bland and bored like he didn't want to even be here. Esme shot him a warning look which he ignored.

"What about you, Izzy? Do you possess a special ability?" Carlisle queried; his tone interested.

"One touch and I can see everything that happened in your past, visa versa." I answered, my eyes flickering from Edward to Carlisle.

"What an extraordinary power!" Carlisle exclaimed; his widened with excitement. It felt good knowing how his curiousty never subsided.

"It's.. quite.. good." I reasoned, shrugging my shoulders slightly.

"Do someone's Izzy!" Alice advised, clapping her hands happily. I glanced around the room, wondering who's to do. My eyes rested on Edward but I knew I wouldn't be able to see his past without breaking down. Seeing how happy he was without me would mentally destroy me.

"Jasper?" I offered, knowing his past was safe and in the truth; it interested me. He nodded, his honey blonde hair falling over his face slightly. I flitted next to him and opened my hand for him to place it in. He reluctantly reached out and rested it in mine.

"Do you want to me to say what I'm seeing during the vision?" I offered, trying to be polite. I couldn't actually watch a vision without narrating it. He nodded again and I pressed his hand lightly. I was immediately sucked into a black tunnel; the darkness stayed around me for a second but it cleared up and I could see _everything_ that had happened.

"Jasper Whitlock born in 1844 in Houston, Texas." I began, each memory becoming crystal clear.

"He was the youngest major in the Confederate Army in Texas (having joined the army before he turned 17) until he was turned into a vampire by Maria and two other female vampires, Lucy and Nettie, who had recently lost their respective territories. Maria used him and other newborns to reclaim her place and later claim dominance over others." I could feel Jasper's hand stiffen in mine but I continued.

"In 1948, he ran into a diner in Philadelphia and met Alice Cullen. At first, he was puzzled by her happy behavior around him, but nevertheless, her joyful emotions impacted him greatly. As it turned out, she had been waiting for him. When she held out her hand, he took it, and felt an unfamiliar emotion for the first time: hope." His hand immediately relaxed at the mention of Alice's name.

"She also told him about the ability to survive off of animal instead of human blood, as well as their future with Carlisle Cullen and his family. He didn't know such a thing could exist but he followed her. With the help of Alice's 'sight', they searched for the Cullens and eventually joined them in 1950. Sometime after that, he and Alice married." I could hear the family smile at happy ending. But the next vision made my heart stop.

"Jasper pull your hand away." I whispered, trying to hold the memory back out of my sight. But his hand remained in mine and I couldn't move out of the vision.

"Jasper." Carlisle whispered, his voice was warning. The more I tried to move out of the vision, the clearer it got.

"Please. I can't.. I just don't.. Please." I pleaded as my resistance against the vision wore thin.

"Let go!" Esme scolded but the outside world was fading and the memory came to my view.

"I can't move my hand!" Jasper growled back, his hand twitching but not moving an inch. I clamped my lips shut so I couldn't describe what I was seeing; it would give away too much.

_It was me; that I was sure of. It was at the Cullen household; all of the family were there, dressed up and smiling. It was my birthday. Alice passed me a present which I reluctantly accepted._

_I took the little package, rolling my eyes at Edward while I stuck my finger under the edge of_

_the paper and jerked it under the tape._

_"Shoot," I muttered when the paper sliced my finger; I pulled it out to examine the damage._

_A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut._

_It all happened very quickly then._

_"No!" Edward roared._

_He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table. It fell, as I did, scattering the cake_

_and the presents, the flowers and the plates. I landed in the mess of shattered crystal._

_Jasper slammed into Edward, and the sound was like the crash of boulders in a rock slide._

_There was another noise, a grisly snarling that seemed to be coming from deep in Jasper's_

_chest. Jasper tried to shove past Edward, snapping his teeth just inches from Edward's face._

_Emmett grabbed Jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his massive steel_

_grip, but Jasper struggled on, his wild, empty eyes focused only on me._

_Beyond the shock, there was also pain. I'd tumbled down to the floor by the piano, with my_

_arms thrown out instinctively to catch my fall, into the jagged shards of glass. Only now did I_

_feel the searing, stinging pain that ran from my wrist to the crease inside my elbow._

_Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm into the_

_fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires. _

I shook my head, the vision becoming blurry as I was sucked out of the vision.

"Izzy! Izzy?! Are you okay? Izzy!" A distant voice called but I was still dazed at the vivid memory, realising how close death had been to me. I blinked several times as the Cullen's living room came back into view. Alice was crouched infront of me, her eyes filled with concern.

"Izzy, are you okay?!" Alice repeated, her voice wavering slightly.

"Fine." I answered immediately, my voice monotone. The memory my mind had put on lockdown I'd just seen and I was devastated. Speechless.

"What did you see?" Edward growled, his black eyes locking on mine.

"Nothing.." I lied, standing up and shaking my head. The Cullens saw straight through my lie and their faces became skeptical.

"Izzy.. I'm sorry.. I couldn't move my hand. It just.." Jasper stammered, his eyes wide, his thoughts probably scanning through several gory memories of his victims.

"Don't worry about it." I whispered, flitting towards the front door. I turned back; my eyes filled with horror. Alice's eyes flicked to mine and recognition sparked in them.

"You didn't see.." She couldn't even finish, her face paled even more than usual.

"It wasn't my place to see." I muttered, my voice weak.

"Would anyone like to tell me what she saw?!" Emmett boomed, but everyone ignored him.

"Alice stop blocking me and let me see what she saw!" Edward hissed, his eyes livid with anger.Alice shook her head; not wanting to answer him.

"You'll tell me tomorrow, at lunch. Promise?" Emmett begged, his bottom lip jutting out like a child but it looked wrong on him now, like he forcing to be himself again.

I didn't respond; my head still reeling from the memory. I was on lockdown, my thoughts replaying it again and again. I didn't want to see how close it had been; how Edward had protected me.


	4. Chapter Four: Scar On Your Wrist

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews, it means a lot! Much love to you all. *No infringement intended.***

Chapter Four: What's That On Your Wrist?

I was currently sat at the far side of the school canteen on the Cullen's table with the family surrounding me. Something I loved doing as a human but now it caused me pain to be near the people I loved so dearly, knowing they never wanted me. I was deep in thought, my fists clenched for a unknown reason. Was it because I was angry at Jasper for trying to attack me? Annoyed at Edward for leaving me? No. I forgave them ages ago, in fact I never blamed them. How wrong it was to have a human be with a vampire family. Invade their lifes and expect them to be okay with it.

"Izzy. Didn't you hear anything I said?!" Alice complained, irritated with my blatant lack of attention.

"Sorry Alice, I was thinking." I apologized, pulling myself out of my thoughts and refocusing back onto the Cullens.

"There's a thunder storm tonight and we were wondering whether you wanted to play baseball with my family this evening or do you have something else planned?" Alice asked, her hands clapping together with excitement. I was dubious, should I go? Back to the place where I'd watched their game, facisnated?

"Sure, I'm not doing anything." I muttered, trying to put enthusiam in my voice but it just sounded sarcastic. Alice's brow furrowed as she took in my hollow eyes and blank face.

"Are you sure? You don't seem too keen.." She trailed off, still peering into my eyes. I turned my head away from her, not liking the intense look she was giving me. I was afraid if she looked any harder she'd see who I was.

"I'm all up for it." I insisted, dropping my gaze to the table, feeling the Cullens eyes boring into me.

"You posistive?" Alice nagged, as if she was trying to get an answer out of me. I was beginning to get frustrated with the constant questions I was being hounded with.

"Look, my old coven used to play it all the time and it just reminds me of them, okay?" I lied. Of course I didn't have an old coven; I always considered myself part of the Cullen family when I was human and now that I was a vampire, I classed them a coven. A coven that I used to belong in. The table went silent and I closed my eyes.

"You never mentioned a coven.. What happened to them?" Jasper asked softly, his voice sympathetic.

"They left me." I mumbled, immediately regretting it. They'd make the connection now, wouldn't they? They would know who I was. I opened my eyes but the Cullen's didn't notice. They seemed to be in their own thoughts, a haunting shadowing their eyes. It was as if they remembered. I scoffed; I was just a pathetic human to them, nothing more so why would that bring any pain to them? It wouldn't and I wished they'd stop pretending like it did.

"I don't blame them. They deserved better." I admitted; lifting my head out of my hands and sitting up. Tears sat in my eyes but they didn't shed, for that I was slightly grateful. I didn't want to show how weak I was without them. Jasper raised his hand to pat mine but I immediately flinched away, remembering the way Charlie raised his hand before he hit me. Jasper lowered his hand, looking confused and hurt at the way I reacted. I touched his hand lightly and reversed the way my ability worked. I concentrated on a memory where Charlie's face was blurred from my weak human memory so he wouldn't recognise him.

_"Waste of space!"_ _Charlie roared, connecting his fist to my jaw. I fell down, clutching my cheek. I bit my lip, blinking the tears out of my eyes. _

_"I asked you to do one thing and you couldn't do it?! Is cooking my tea that hard?! Isabella! ANSWER ME!" He shouted again, but I ignored him. Afraid that if I spoke it would show him how I was feeling and he hated me showing emotions. He grabbed a fistful of hair, shoving my head back so I could look into his livid eyes. _

_"Isabella. You WILL do what I tell you, WHEN I tell you. Am I clear?" Charlie growled, raising his hand. _

_"Yes." I whispered as my cheek received a swift thwack from his hand. _

I pulled myself out of the vision and pulled my hand away from Jasper's. His eyes were wide and his hand frozen outwards.

"It's nothing personal, Jasper." I added, breaking him out of his trance. The Cullen's were focused on Jasper, clearly curious about what I had shown him.

"You've had a rough past, huh?" He acknowledged, smiling at Alice to show her he was okay.

"You have no idea." I grumbled; picking a bagel lightly with my fingers. Edward winced slightly at my words and I wondered what I'd said.. I'd said that the first time I'd ever talked to him. Of course he'd remember. Why would that cause him pain? Pain to be so close to me? Alice's eyes glazed over as she searched for the future and we all waited patiently.

"3 seconds to the bell, see you tonight Izzy?" She stated, taking Jasper's hand and standing up.

"Yeah, I'll be there." I promised, smiling slightly. Alice beamed back and skipped gracefully out of the canteen, Jasper in tow.

- At The Baseball Field-

So the teams were sorted. Alice, Carlisle and myself were up batting first and Emmett, Rosalie and Edward were fielding. I started to swing my bat, getting used to the power and angle I was planning to hit the ball with, as were the rest of my team. I glanced towards an opening in the forest, wondering if I should hit the ball in that direction. Then it clicked and I dropped the bat, unable to believe that I'd forgot.

"Izzy! Are you alright?" Rosalie was beside me asking frantically but I was too shocked to notice how she was being so warm.

How could I forget this was the place that James and his coven had arrived? How James had picked up my scent and Edward had protected me? My human mind was weaker than I thought..

"Izzy. Speak to me. Say something." Carlisle was stood infront of me, but I couldn't answer. I was frozen in my thoughts.

"Edward. Try access her mind. See what she's thinking." Esme offered, gesturing towards me.

"I can't. She's blocking me." His musical voice sounded strained, as if it reminded him of something painful. But I wasn't paying attention; I was zoned out into a memory.

_They emerged one by one from the forest edge, ranging a dozen meters apart._

_The first male into the clearing fell back immediately, allowing the other male to_

_take the front, orienting himself around the tall, dark-haired man in a manner that_

_clearly displayed who led the pack. The third was a woman; from this distance,_

_all I could see of her was that her hair was a startling shade of red._

_They closed ranks before they continued cautiously toward Edward's family,_

_exhibiting the natural respect of a troop of predators as it encounters a larger,_

_unfamiliar group of its own kind._

My eyes were glazed over and I couldn't move, no matter how hard I tried.

"Izzy?" Edward whispered in my ear, his cool breath caressing my face. It felt like how it used to, only this time he didn't belong to me.

"Make it stop." I begged, as the memory continued. I was getting deeper and deeper into my mind and I couldn't get out.

_Three things seemed to happen simultaneously while Carlisle was speaking. My_

_hair ruffled with the light breeze, Edward stiffened, and the second male, James,_

_suddenly whipped his head around, scrutinizing me, his nostrils flaring._

_A swift rigidity fell on all of them as James lurched one step forward into a_

_crouch. Edward bared his teeth, crouching in defense, a feral snarl ripping from_

_his throat._

_It was nothing like the playful sounds I'd heard from him this morning; it was the_

_single most menacing thing I had ever heard, and chills ran from the crown of_

_my head to the back of my heels._

I was frozen in the snapshot, unable to get out. The Cullens stood infront of me, my protectors and me behind them; the weak one, the burden.

"Izzy, stop blocking me. I can help." Edward promised, dropping down to my height and looking at me with his depthless black eyes. They burned with promises, the first sign of emotion I'd seen in them at all since I met them.

_"I said she's with us," Carlisle corrected in a hard voice. _

_"But she's human," Laurent protested. The words were not at all aggressive, merely astounded. _

_"Yes." Emmett was very much in evidence at Carlisle's side, his eyes on James. James slowly straightened out of his crouch, but his eyes never left me, his nostrils still wide. Edward stayed tensed like a lion in front of me. _

I shook my head, not wanting to see any more. I was surprised at how well my human mind remembered things like that. I pushed the memory out of my head, willing for it to go so I could return to the baseball field with the Cullens now. I sucked in a deep breath and I returned to reality. Edward and the Cullens were still looking at me with concern, but I shook it off. They wouldn't care if they knew who I was.

"Izzy?" Edward asked again, his voice now rough with worry. Like he would ever be worried about me..

"Sorry." I breathed, relaxing slightly. I was out of the memory now, it couldn't come back and affect me. James could never hurt me again.

"You had us worried there for a second." Rosalie joked, smiling at me slightly. Something she'd never done before.

"I doubt it." I mumbled, ignoring the Cullen's suddenly confused faces. Edward's in particular stood out to me.

"Are you okay?" He asked uneasily, his eyes searching mine but finding nothing. I was an empty shell without him, without the Cullens.

"Just fine." I lied, subconsciously rubbing the scar James had left. I only ever did it when I had a memory of the Cullens; it reminded me how grateful I was towards them. Edward's eyes flickered from my eyes to my wrist and they lightened with recognition. I snatched my arm away from his sight and firmly held them at my side, angered by my feeble attempts to hide obvious things. My eyes were filled with fury but it was only aimed at myself, Edward winced as he noticed my black eyes.

"What's that on your wrist?" Edward questioned politely, but it was strained as if he wanted to shout the question.

"Nothing." I stated, shrugging my shoulders, my eyes still smouldering with anger. He took in the look and proceeded carefully.

"Izzy, it's something. Can I look?" He asked, standing up fluidly. He towered above me, the way Charlie did when I'd fallen down. I flinched away, trying not to remember. Edward noticed, his eyes burned with curiousty but he kept his questions to himself and didn't comment.

" Just leave it, please? It's a scar, that's it." I reasoned, partly telling the truth and partly pleading. I didn't want to answer any of his questions; afraid I'd reveal too much and he'd leave me the way he left me before.

_"When you say we ," I whispered._

_"I mean my family and myself." Each word separate and distinct._

_I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign_

_of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak._

_"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."_

_"You can't, Bella. Where we're going... It's not the right place for you."_

_"Where you are is the right place for me."_

_"I'm no good for you, Bella."_

The words echoed around my head and for a moment I couldn't breath, it was all too much. Those cold words had killed me, broke me down and crushed what little confidence I had into dust. My chest was an empty cavity with a unbeating heart, hollow from the pain, jagged from the words. I wrapped my arms around my chest to keep the hole shut, I couldn't cope if it opened again.

"Scar from where?" Edward persisted, his eyes pleading. As if he wanted me to say something that would confirm his assumption.

"Vampire attack." I shrugged as if it was a normal day to day thing to experience. Edward's eyes briefly glittered with relief, he'd be expecting the answer.

"What happened to you?" Carlisle asked, interrupting our conversation, something Edward wasn't pleased about.

"I had a hard life, okay? Dealt through things I wasn't meant to be put through, destroyed in more than one way. Life is cruel to me and there's nothing I can do about it."


	5. Chapter Five: Bella, Is That You?

**Author's Note: Sorry for the slow updates, I've been extremely busy with my GCSE's, I hope you understand. Thank you all so much for the motivating and lovely reviews, they mean the world!**

Chapter Five: Bella, Is That You?!

They had comforted me, told me that everything would turn out okay but I knew they were lying. Nothing would ever be alright anymore; not without the Cullens at least. I stared out of the window, my thoughts once again surrounding me, holding me in. Memories of Charlie's steel cap boots connecting with my ribs flooded my head but I let them; after all I deserved it. I was in the Cullen's living room, sat in the armchair with my legs tucked under my chin, whilst I fell deep in my memories. I was getting tired of holding my mind shut so Edward couldn't hear my thoughts; I didn't want him to see the things I was thinking.

The Cullens had managed to convince Edward to hunt with them, so I was the only was in the house. I relaxed my mind, allowing my haunting thoughts to run freely in my head without a wall blocking them. I closed my eyes, letting the memories of Victoria play out into my mind; remembering the words she'd sneered, the way she had grabbed my hair and pulled my head back, the feeling of her teeth running over my neck.

A loud growl broke me out of my trance and I snapped out of it immediately. I broke my gaze from the window over to the front door where Edward was stood; his golden eyes were harsh and cold, glaring at me with such intensity, I winced. He growled again and took a step in my direction. I rose out of the chair and took a step back, my back pressing against the wall, fear freezing me.

"Edward! Stop it! Your scaring her!" Jasper hissed, holding a restraining arm on Edward's shoulder. I paid them no attention, pressing myself farther away from him, wishing the wall could swallow me. Edward yanked his arm out of his brother's grasp and took another step forward, his eyes filled with malice.

"You saw it happen and you didn't even help her?!" Edward snarled, his fists clenching with fury. I shook slightly at the tone of his voice; I'd never heard him talk to me like that before.

"Help who?" I whispered, my eyes wide with fright. Alice looked anxious, her eyes flitting between me and Edward.

"You know who! You watched it and sat there like a coward!" Edward roared, stepping closer to me. I'd never feared him as much as I did now.

"I don't understand.." I furrowed my brow, trying to think.

"Stop lying! I heard your thoughts and you saw her get attacked!" He growled, flying over to me and stopping a foot infront of my shaking body. He'd heard my thoughts.. I paled as I remembered what I was thinking about. Me, getting attacked by Victoria.. He thought I'd watched myself get turned? This was not going to end well..

"Son! Calm yourself down and listen to what Jasper had just said." Carlisle stated serenely, holding onto Edward's forearm.

"I don't.. I didn't.." I couldn't even arrange a full sentence, unable to say anything without breaking it off, afraid I'd reveal who I was.

"You could of stopped it." He stated, sounding slightly defeated. His father's words and my fearful eyes brought him out of his anger filled rage.

"Edward. Izzy couldn't of helped. You need to let it go, bro." Emmett comformted him; placing a strong grip on his shoulders. Edward's body slumped forward as if he'd given in. I was still pinned against the wall, frozen in fear. I couldn't move. For a spilt second, I thought it was Charlie standing in the Cullen's house, walking towards me, his words harsh, his eyes cold.

"Izzy, are you okay?" Alice asked, her voice filled with concern as she spotted my rigid appearance. Jasper sent out waves of calm but my body bounced them off and sent them back towards him, I was frozen.

"Yeah." I whispered; my eyes glazed with fear. I'd never been more afraid of Edward in my entire existence and that frightened me more than anything. I'd never seen him like that before. Esme was looking at me apologetically; as if she was trying to say sorry for her son's actions. The entire family eyes were filled with something distant and painful as soon as Edward had mentioned the name Bella; a memory might of sprung to their mind? A saying I had once recited? The house was deathly quiet.

"I should probably go.." I muttered, edging myself slowly out of the safety of the wall. I looked at Edward warily, afraid he'd turn in Charlie and attack me. I knew Edward would never hurt me on purpose but my fear had clouded my judgement.

"I'll come with you." Alice offered, her eyes twinkling slightly. I frowned slightly at her eagerness; did she miss me that much? I doubted it.

"Alice, I don't want you to come with me." I lied, letting annoyance seep into my tone. As soon as I'd said those words, my hands flew to my mouth in shock. How could I say the same words Edward had said to me when he left? The same cold, harsh voice he had used. I winced; remembering how Edward had left me. Alone. Broken. Lifeless. Only Edward's eyes sparkled with hope.. He never told them how he'd left me? I breathed out, trying to calm myself down. Don't look like those words affected you.

Alice's face crumpled slightly; almost as if she was suspecting the outcome. After all, she was a psychic..

"Why not?" Rosalie demanded; her eyes cold, her words indignant. I didn't want to lie to them anymore, it was as if they had amnesia and forgotten about me and that hurt more than anything else. The thought of me never being a part of their lives caused me pain. I'd drop one more hint and then leave. I couldn't barge myself into their lives, when they never wanted me in it in the first place.

"Where I'm going.. It's not the right place for you." I gritted my teeth and retched the vile words out of my mouth, self loathing overcoming me as soon as I had said them. Edward's eyes widened, the black becoming depthless.

"Bella?" Edward asked warily, his face lightening with hope as he stepped forward but I instinctively took one back. The Cullens looked towards me with astonishment, their eyes searching my face but I gave nothing away. Should I tell them?

"The one and only." I whispered, my voice quieter than a autumn breeze. Time stood still, everything was silent. Frozen. I exhaled my held in breath, glancing towards the front door, wondering whether to run.

"It can't be.. Your supposed to be d-" Emmett spluttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Dead?" I guessed, finishing off his sentence. Of course they'd think that; it was my cover story. Something Charlie had spread around Forks after Victoria had attacked me. The Cullens flinched, as if I'd burnt them with something they didn't want to remember.

"Bella!" Alice squealed, jumping up and down in excitement, her small hands clapping together in ecstasy. A weak smile drifted across my face but dropped; they didn't want me, so why should I try? Alice's face weakened slightly; Carlisle frowned with concern.

"Bella; are you alright?" A few strands of golden hair dropped over his face and he brushed them away, his golden eyes fatherly.

"Never been better." I lied, rubbing my arm slightly, trying to comfort myself. It's going to be okay, Bella.

"Your a v-" Jasper interrupted, his eyes widening.

"Vampire." I finished, of course the Cullens wouldn't be used to it, after all; the last time they saw me I was human, so they weren't used to it. Edward's eyes scanned me, trying to find a spark of life but they were nothing in me. I was a shell of myself.

"Bella!" Alice giggled again, taking a step towards me, her arms open for an embrace but I flinched once more, unable to control my reflexes. Her arms dropped, her eyes wary.

"Nothing personal, Alice. Just what happened before." I tried to explain without telling them about Charlie. An understanding smile spread across her face. I relaxed a little, knowing she wasn't too curious.

"Bella, please sit down and tell us." Esme offered, her hands gesturing towards the living room. Edward was still frozen, his eyes contemplating something but as soon as he'd seen how I reacted to Alice, he seemed decided. I flitted past him, my body aching to touch him but I resisted. I sucked in a deep breath and put my head in my hands, not knowing where to start? Should I tell them about Victoria? About Charlie? Alice rubbed my back, comforting me a little.

"Where to start.." I muttered, flicking through several memories, wondering which one to start with. Charlie's abuse? No. Victoria's attack? No. My comatose state? Not a good idea.

"Your transformation?" Rosalie offered, her voice not as harsh as it had been when I was human. I winced slightly as I remembered the searing pain but it was nothing compared to losing my existence. Edward shot Rosalie a dark look as he'd seen me react badly.

"I was in the forest.." I started carefully, glancing slightly in Edward's direction, knowing he hated me going in there alone. His head snapped up, his eyes filled with something. Anger? Fury? I couldn't tell.

"Alone." I added. Edward growled very slightly, almost as a whisper. As if he was angry at the situation.

"I sat down to catch my breath and I was too distracted to notice her.." I murmured, not wanting to continue.

"Her?" Carlisle pressed, his eyes alive with curiosity.

"Victoria.." I breathed ever so slightly, the room was deadly quiet, the only sound was my breathing.

"Victoria?!" Edward growled loudly, standing up. His face was a mask of anger; his fists clenched.


	6. Chapter Six: He Still Loves Me?

**Author's Note: Thank you for your support; terribly sorry for the slow chapter updates, GCSE's and coursework. You know the story. Love you all:***

Chapter Six: Trying To Live Without You.

Edward ran a taut hand through his tousled, bronze hair. It was his way of showing he was furious. I leant farther back in my chair, trying to escape the curious stares, I didn't want any attention. Carlisle's eyes were appraising my new transformed self; the truth is I looked worse. My hollow eyes, my dead appearance.

"Bella?" He asked apprehensively, his voice cautious. Edward stopped pacing and turned to look at me; his beautiful topaz eyes softening.

"Mmmm?" I replied, my voice monotone. I couldn't put any life in it. The Cullens flinched at my voice, but I couldn't help it.

"Why were you out in the forest alone? Didn't Charlie stop you?" Carlisle asked politely, but his tone leaked curiosity. The rest of the family turned towards me, anxious to hear my reply. I winced when he mentioned Charlie's name; relieving the pain of each night. Jasper's face paled slightly, his breath catching in his throat. What was he thinking?

"What you showed me before.. Is that.. true?" He choked on the last word, his eyes wide with terror. I looked back shocked, forgetting I'd shown him one of my visions. Jasper's face remained frightened, the scars stretching across his face. I nodded once, hoping he'd drop the situation. He abruptly stood up, his fists clenched, his topaz eyes hard.

"I was meant to be your big brother and I couldn't even protect you from him!" Jasper growled, standing near the window. I felt lighter, slightly happier. He had considered me as a sister, after everything that happened, he would still protect me? My insides warmed; glad I was something to him.

"There's nothing you could of done, Jasper. It's okay; I'm okay. Don't beat yourself up. You did your fair share of protecting me. Just let it go." I comforted, letting a small smile grace my lips. He looked towards me, his eyes filled with grief.

"Would anyone like to tell us what's going on?" Rosalie interrupted, twisting a golden lock of hair around her finger. Edward's eyes were staring at me intently, trying to figure out my secret, aswell as Alice's and the rest of the Cullens.

"Bella; tell them." Jasper demanded, his gaze landing on Alice. I shook my head, disagreeing straight away. They could never know.

"Tell them or I will. They have a right to know." He warned, his eyes truthful. They left me and he wanted me to tell them? What makes him think they'd care?

"Tell them? It's not as if you cared about me." I scoffed, crossing my arms and glancing out the window.

"Of course we cared, Bella. We still do." Esme replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You don't have to pretend anymore. It's okay. I've accepted what is; I never deserved to be part of your lives, especially invade your house and expect you all to be okay with it. I've had 100 years to accept that. I can.. I can let you all go now." I admitted, taking several deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.

"Bella?" Alice's voice was horrified. I could almost feel the terror roll off her in waves. It was a horrible feeling. The room was silent, except Alice's and Jasper's ragged breaths. It was as if time stood still. Edward's eyes were locked on mine, revealing so much emotion that it was overwhelming. Grief was etched all over his face, ancient with pain. Was it something I had said? The atmosphere was tense. I swiftly stood up, hating the feeling of being unloved. I was sick of it now. I could say my last goodbyes to them then leave.. To Volterra. To the Volturi. To my death. I didn't want this eternal life anymore. 100 years was too long without the Cullens.

"Bella, where are you goi-" Alice started, but her eyes glazed over before she finished. Sucked into yet another vision. I patiently stood still, my arms folded over my chest, my breaths uneven. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jasper's fists clenched. He was still annoyed at himself. Edward's eyes suddenly went wide as he read Alice's mind. She shook her head, trying to get herself out of the vision. Her breathing was unsteady, almost as if she hyperventilating. Tears sat at the edge of Edward's eyes but they didn't spill. His fists were clenched even tighter and it looked like he was restraining himself from something. From running over to me and holding me tight? I doubt it.

I tensed in recognition. She'd seen the decision I'd made. The decision about the Volturi. I glared at Alice, damn her powers.

"I'm going." I muttered, flitting towards the front door. A strong hand gripped my forearm, preventing me from going anywhere. A spark of electricity shot through me and I gasped slightly. I didn't have to guess to know who had hold of my arm. I didn't want to look up. I didn't want to get lost in his beautiful topaz eyes. I didn't want to look at the person I could never have.

"Bella.." His voice was rough, almost warning. As if I was about to do something that I shouldn't. I glanced up, his liquid eyes hard and solid like the time he had left me. I shrunk away from them, not wanting to see them anymore.

"I was going out for fresh air." I explained, the grip on my arm loosening. They thought I was going to Volturi straight away, didn't they?

"Bella.. You weren't seriously thinking about-" Alice began but I cut her off.

"I'm going out for fresh air." I repeated, Edward's hand falling off my arm. I ached to touch him again, to run my hands through his hair but I gave nothing away. He could never know I loved him with my entire being. Edward exhaled, his fingers twitching slightly. I sighed, hanging my head slightly as I stood outside of the Cullen's house.

The cool breeze caressed my face and I relaxed slightly. It reminded me of the way Edward used to breathe. Low murmurs were echoeing around the house, but I heard them perfectly.

"That's not the Bella I used to know. She's so.. different." Emmett's voice sounded sad, almost mourning.

"Don't you think I know that?!" Edward growled, the slight swishing of material whispering about the room.

"Your the one that left her." Rosalie retorted, her voice wasn't harsh, it was a statement.

"I left to protect her, to save her from all the danger in our world. It did the opposite, didn't it? I wasn't there to save her from Victoria. The pain she must of been through." Edwards voice sounded strained but I was frozen to the spot at his words. Was he telling the truth? Did he know I was listening? My head span and I sucked in a deep breath. Did he still love me?

"Her emotions are all over the place, I've never felt so much pain from her before. Not even from James's attack." Jasper explained, as a wave of calm washed over me. It was peaceful. I could hear Edward flinch at the mention of James.

"She was meant to move on, meant to forget and heal. I didn't realise this would happen." Edward whispered, his voice muted.

"Jazz?" Alice questioned, her voice slightly rough. As if she was pained to ask the question.

"What's wrong?" Jasper's voice was anxious, clearly worried if something was wrong with her.

"Nothing, it's just.. What's the secret between you and Bella? What were you talking about before? About you protecting her?" Alice queried, her voice curious. I stiffened, hoping he wouldn't answer her at all and drop the subject.

"It's not my place to say but if she doesn't tell you by tomorrow, I will.." Jasper promised, conviction in his voice.

I was shaking with fear. Should I tell them myself? Or let Jasper tell them and deny all the things he said.. What would you do in a situation like mine?

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice called, his voice calm and musical as I always remembered it. I stood still for a second, wondering whether I should run or go back in.

I flew back in, avoiding Edward's gaze, afraid that if I looked in them, I'd see he was lying about protecting me.

"Yes?" I asked, my voice hoarse with confusion.

"Don't you think it would be best if you hunted tomorrow? It's been a long time since you've fed." Carlisle reasoned, his eyes hopeful. I looked at him skeptically, did I really have to hunt? Was it honestly necessary? I sighed, shaking my head slightly.

"I told you before, Carlisle; it doesn't do anything for me." I argued, gesturing the air with my hands.

"Still. I think it would be more prudent if you did." He bargained, a smile stretching across his face. It was the first proper smile I'd seen him do in decades.

"I'll do it after school tomorrow." I said defeated. I didn't want to; but whatever made the Cullen family happy, I'd do it.


	7. Chapter Seven: A Melodic Laugh

**Author's Note: I'm so sorry for the long update, I know- shoot me now! But thank you for the wonderful reviews I've received, love you guys! Stephanie Meyer owns all characters.**

Chapter Seven: You won't tell them!

I was on my way to the school canteen, where I had promised I would meet the Cullen's. Things were different now, although in their presence I felt alive and well, it pains me to be near them. To know they never wanted me or cared, I die a little more inside with every glance I give them. But I figured that is part of my life now, I can't control it; can't help what I feel towards the Cullen's. Love, devotion, care, comfort..

In all honesty, I was scared. Scared of their reaction when I would tell them about Charlie. Scared of the fact that Victoria was out to kill me. There are things the Cullen's can't protect me from and I refuse to let them get involved and hurt themselves. That's the one thing I'll never want to happen.

The canteen doors swung open in front of me but I didn't step in straight away. The many memories that plagued me had happened in this room, the first sight, the bottle lid.. I sighed, edging my way around a bustling crowd of teenagers. Their scents enveloped me in, but I ignored them, pushing them away. Just recently humans blood has been appealing to me more and more and I wasn't sure why.

I briefly glanced over the tables, panic suddenly squeezing me in a death grip. The Cullen's weren't here. Had they left? Left me again? My breathing had begun to become uneven and I immediately wrapped my arms around my torso, trying to keep myself together. Not here, Bella. You can't lose yourself here.

"The panic from her is unbelievable; she thinks we've left again..." Jasper's musical voice whispered from the far side of the canteen. I flinched away from the memory, staggering back a little at the pain. Relief soon swept over me when I realized they were still here. I let out the breath I had been holding and let my arms drop to my sides. I sensed the Cullen's gazing at me, but I tried not to meet them, afraid of what their eyes would hold.

"She looks so vulnerable." Rosalie murmured as Emmett gestured that I joined them, I paused for a second but I willed my feet to carry myself towards them. I kept my gaze to the floor, not daring to lift it. I slid into the seat next to Alice, feeling their eyes boring into me. A chorus of 'Hello Bella' went around the table but I didn't answer them.

"So Bella... Still planning on telling us about the secret between Jasper and you?" Alice said casually, crossing and uncrossing her legs, trying to look patient. My head shot up, my thoughts not prepared for her words. I glanced around the table, Edward's beautiful topaz eyes watching me intently. I just shook my head.

"Bella." Jasper sighed, folding his arms over his muscular chest. I glared at him marginally, annoyed that I was being forced into telling them my biggest secret. I subconsciously clenched my fists as I thought about Charlie. His leather belt, steel cap boots. Rosalie appraised my rigid, tense posture and smiled gently at me.

"She'll tell us when she is ready." Rosalie argued, flicking her gorgeous blonde hair over her shoulder. Jasper growled slightly, making me very surprised. He was usually in control of his anger but something must have hit the wrong nerve.

"If you had any idea of what she showed me..." He took a deep breath before he continued. Edward's eyes pleaded for me to tell him and I almost shouted the words at him. It was unhealthy at the control he had over me. I quickly looked away before I sunk too deep into his topaz pools.

"It was the most unexpected thing I would have thought that would have happened to Bella." Jasper explained, his eyes flickering over to me, sympathy pouring into them.

"Awh, c'mon Bella! Spill the beans! What went down?" Emmett chuckled, causing me to flinch slightly. It wasn't something that I wanted to share and certainly wasn't something to laugh about.

"I'm going hunting tonight. Alone." I muttered, trying to divert the conversation to less choppy waters. The table went silent as Edward's brow furrowed infinitesimally. It was as if he wanted to come with me.

"You sure, Bella? I can always come with you?" Alice offered, her head tilted to the side as if she was curious.

"It's alright, Alice. I'm not exactly the best company." I explained, shaking my head at the thought of her wanting to spend time with me.

"Oh." Alice said, her shoulders falling slightly at my attitude. I wanted to comfort her but unsure of how to do so. I stood up fluidly, pushing my hair back so it didn't get in my way. I glanced at Edward, his mouth hung open ever so slightly, his eyes glazed. Did I just dazzle him? I suddenly began to laugh, it was musical and gentle. The first time I had ever heard it. It sounded melodic and beautiful. The Cullen's stared at me in awe, unable to believe that I was laughing or smiling, something I never had done in front of them until now. The fact I had just dazzled Edward was very ironic, I couldn't help but giggle. Edward just looked at me, astounded. Was it because of my laugh? My smile?

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, it was just..." I trailed off, gesturing towards them, trying to get a grip on myself. Why was I laughing when the love of my life sat before me and wasn't even mine? My smile faltered and I frowned.

"Where did that come from?" Alice asked in surprise, but I shook my head.

"It was just.. Never mind. I'll see you all tonight." I said, winking at Alice.

"Bella..." Jasper warned me slightly, but I ignored him. He wouldn't tell the Cullen's about Charlie.

**-At the Cullen household-**


	8. Chapter Eight: You Have No Right To Tell

**Author's Note: Sorry that the last chapter was so short, but I promise this chapter will be longer! Thank you for your support, reviews, follows and favorites:) **

Chapter Eight: You Will Not Tell Them!

**-Hunting in the nearby forest-**

I dropped the now empty deer carcass as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I was repulsed by the smell of the animal, but I had no choice, drink it or see the Cullen's disappointed faces. The blood soothed the burn in my throat and the hollow aching in my stomach but it did not rid me of the empty feeling in my chest. Only Edward could ever heal me. The name tugged at the hole but I forced it to stay closed. You promised you would never do that again Bella.

_But he's not yours_- An echo whispered around my head but I ignored it, not believing the words it was saying. Deep down I knew the voice was right, he wasn't mine. Why would he be? I sighed, dusting the mud off my jeans and fixing my hair. Did I really have a dazzling effect on Edward? I doubted it. After all, he never wanted me like this. Tears pricked to my eyes, but they didn't fall. Better get back to the Cullen's before I thought anymore painful things.

I flew through the forest, relishing the feel of the wind on my cold skin. Everything was crystal clear, the details easy to see. I sped gracefully towards the Cullen's house, their conversations suddenly coming into my earshot. I stopped suddenly as I reached the river. Should I even be going back there? Do I even deserve to be in their presence? A brief flicker of the Volturi flashed in my head. Would it hurt as much as the Cullen's leaving?

"_No!"_ Alice's musical voice sounded pained. I heard her words perfectly and I panicked. Is she okay? I sprung easily over the river and dashed towards the house, expecting the worse. A sudden force slammed into me, throwing me backwards but I quickly gained my balance. A throbbing pulsed through my arm, but I brushed it off. I'd felt worse. I lifted my topaz gaze towards the entrance of the house, my muscles locked in case of a threat.

Alice looked back at me, relief washing over her features. Why the relief?

She must have seen my decision to go to the Volturi.

I stared at the floor sheepishly as if I had been caught in the act. A small growl erupted from Alice, anger directed towards me.

"I swear, Bella. If you even go anywhere near Volterra, I will personally drag you back here." Alice threatened as I raised my eyes to meet hers. I smiled ever so slightly and her face softened immediately. I'd heard the worst of it.

"It was just a thought." I muttered as I flitted past her and into the Cullen house, not wanting to hear the rest of her speech. I skipped gracefully into the living room where everyone was situated. Rosalie and Emmett hogged the love seat, their expressions unfathomable. Carlisle and Esme were on the main sofa, their smiles honest and wide. Jasper opened his arms as Alice slid lovingly into them, but his topaz eyes were on me, his gaze intense. Edward was leant against the fireplace, his arms crossed, his eyes trained on me, softening as soon as they locked onto me.

"How was the hunt, Bella?" Carlisle asked, noting my golden eyes with relief. I gazed at him for second as if he had gone mad. Did he really think I enjoyed it?

"It was.. okay. It's still not my kind of thing. The smell is revolting." I shrugged, telling them the truth, wrinkling my nose slightly as I remembered the scent of the deer. A beautiful laugh suddenly escaped Edward's lips; the sound was melodic and carefree. The laugh I loved. Alice giggled at my words but tried to keep a straight face. I stuck my tongue at the both of them, my mood surprisingly teasing. I wasn't sure why. Edward's laugh trailed off softly to be replaced with his melting crooked smile that made weak at the knees. He knew the effect it had on me.

I perched onto the arm of the chair, swinging my legs in a childlike manner. I felt so happy. So alive. I smiled brightly at all of them, my inner self uplifted. I glanced to my side and sighed, exasperated. Esme frowned at my sudden mood but I shook it off.

"I look a complete mess!" I exclaimed as I noticed the muddy jeans and ruined shoes. Edward's eyes locked onto mine, his eyes disagreeing with me and his head shaking as if what I had said wasn't true. I stood up, suddenly self conscious.

"I'll just change at my house and then I'll come back." I explained, turning towards the front door, annoyed that I had to leave once again.

"You better.." Jasper warned his eyes grave. He still wanted to tell them about Charlie? Edward's face begged me to stay and I quickly threw my gaze onto something else. I couldn't stare into his eyes for too long; they held something kept me rooted to the spot. I nodded at Jasper as I stepped out into the cool night's air.

**-Dressed and on the way back to the Cullen's-**

I'd chose something simple to war, nothing too fancy. A light coloured pair of Levi jeans, a long grey sleeved shirt that matched the colour of the Converse I was wearing. It was me and I felt immediately comforted. I sped through Forks, careful that no one had seen me, I was too fast them anyway. I'd just be a blur to the humans.

I began to slow down as I reached nearer to the Cullen's house. The house was silent for my return and I smiled a little knowing they were all waiting for me. It made me feel wanted. Jasper's voice suddenly captured my attention and I stopped fully, listening to what he was saying.

"She still hasn't told you what she showed me, has she?" He asked, sighing slightly at the fact. I froze, not daring to breath. Would he tell them?

"No. You might as well tell us Jasper, you know she won't." Rosalie piped up, the sound of her voice echoing around the house. I stayed where I was. He wouldn't tell them.. Would he? Jasper sighed again.

"I suppose I should tell you before she gets back, I gave her the chance to tell you all and she didn't. Cha- He began but I quickly dashed into the house, anger bubbling inside of me. He didn't have the right to tell any of them. It was my secret. The Cullens eyes were wide at my sudden entrance but I was too busy on trying to calm myself down. Don't shout. Don't shout.

"Bella.." Jasper began but I raised my hand to cut him off. I took in a deep breath and clenched my fists.

"I was going to tell them in my own time, when I was ready. What gives you the right to tell them for me?" I argued calmly, my eyes fierce. It's not Jasper's fault, I chanted to myself. You have no right to shout at home, he's been nothing but kind to you, Bella. I kept telling myself all these things to relax myself.

"They deserve to know Bella. This is bigger than you think." Jasper nodded at his own words, as if knew he was right. His behavior had riled me up. I was furious. Bigger than I thought?! I was the one that had been abused by my own father! Of course it was a big deal! I took a step back, thinking about running but something large was stood behind me, blocking the way. I couldn't get out and run. I looked up, spotting Emmett with an apologetic look on his face. He wanted to hear it. I glanced towards Rosalie, her eyes burned with regret, as if she didn't want to see me in that predicament. I darted my eyes towards Carlisle and Esme but I could tell straight away that their minds were already made up. They wanted me to say it as well. I looked longingly at Alice, but she shook her head sadly. I was trapped. They wouldn't let me go, I would have to tell them now.

I dragged my topaz eyes towards my last hope, Edward. His eyes were conflicted with curiosity and protectiveness. Part of him wanted to stick up for me and the other was as curious as the rest. I hadn't spoken directly towards Edward since seeing them and now I would have to.

"Please Edward.. Please don't make me tell you all." I quietly pleaded my voice rough with pain. He flinched from my voice, his eyes filled with hurt that I was pained. Did he care about my welfare? Was he hurt because I was? He looked at Jasper and I immediately knew they were having a silent conversation with their minds and eyes.

Something Jasper thought brought finality into Edward's eyes. He'd made his mind up. He turned his head back towards me, his brow furrowed as he ran a hand through his bronze hair.

"I'm so sorry, Bella..." Edward whispered, his voice was musical but his tone was sad, like he was disappointed to give me that answer. My last hope had given up on me. I would have to tell them now. Edward's eyes filled with apology at my response but I was panicking too much about how they'd react.

"You have 5 seconds to tell them, Bella or I will.." Jasper bargained, his face serious but his eyes filled with brotherly love. He didn't want to do this, he didn't want this outcome for me, he never wanted me to be abused and I knew this. He hated this as much as me. I kept silent, unable to form how I was going to tell them.

"5.." Jasper spoke. How should I tell them? Upfront and out with it? Or hint them and hope they guess right?

"4.." I was panicking now, my face tortured. Edward kept his eyes on me; they were beckoning for me to tell them all now. To spit the words out loud. But I couldn't..

"3.." Alice's gaze darted from me back to Jasper, her eyes filled with worry. Had she already seen the outcome?

"2.." Rosalie looked up over to Emmett, silently pleading with him to move out of my way. I appreciated her efforts but I knew I'd never get out of the door in time, Jasper would pin me down and force me to say it.

"1.." Carlisle and Esme were looking at Jasper, waiting for his words, knowing I couldn't say them. I opened my mouth but nothing came out.

It was too late.

Jasper give me one long last look and then turned to the rest of the Cullens. I pushed against Emmett, trying to make him move but he was going nowhere and he knew it.

"Sorry little sis.." Emmett apologized, looking down at me with sadness. I stopped my struggle against him and leant on him, afraid my legs were going to give out from underneath me. Edward looked at Emmett with envy. Did he want to be the one I leant on? The one I seek comfort from? A weak smile stretched across my face at him, which he noticed. His eyes softened and start to mouth something but Jasper cleared his throat for the main attention.

I closed my eyes, braced for the words he was about to say. Emmett patted my shoulder gently, trying to comfort me but it did nothing for my nerves. I shook slightly as I heard Jasper's mouth open. This was it.

As soon as they heard the words, they'd kick me out; say they didn't want a broken girl in their lives. Tears sat on my waterline but they didn't fall.

"Bella was.." Jasper started, shaking his head sadly at the words he was about to say. I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath.

"Bella was abused by Chief Swan, her father."


	9. Chapter Nine: I Deserved It!

**Author's Note: Sorry for the long update but I like to try and make my chapters the best they can be for all you lovelies! Thank you for the reviews, favourites, follows, they mean a lot! SM owns the characters.**

Chapter Nine: I Deserved It!

The silence that had descended upon the house was deafening, the absence of noise making my ears ring. My legs shook slightly, the weight of Jasper's words were heavy on me and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to carry on standing. Reality had just come crashing down on me and I had no one to dig me out of the ruins. I was alone and in that moment, I truly felt empty. The only girl on the earth.

My breathing was uneven as I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold myself up and together. My own father abused me. My boyfriend and his family left me. Did I deserve this? _You do deserve this though, Bella..._ The voice entered back into my mind, taunting me with its cruel but true words. I deserved everything life had thrown at me. Maybe even more. A broken body and heart clearly wasn't enough.

My arms began to shake violently, my thoughts slowly destroying what little life the Cullens had brought back into me. I was damaging myself, self inflicting this pain but no matter how much I tried to stop thinking, more thoughts flooded my head.

I could feel myself slipping away, becoming a shell of who I truly was. No matter how hard I tried to cling onto reality, it slipped away, out of my reach. I was looking exactly how I did when Edward left. The Cullens didn't need to see this side of me, the weak and vulnerable Bella.

"Bella?" Jasper's voice was rough with panic and anxiety, the way a brother would fret about a sister. He'd never seen me this way before. None of them had. I tried to keep myself together, but my walls were crumbling. Tears flooded my closed eyes but they didn't fall, they never would.

"Bella... Answer me." His voice was louder now, more demanding. I tried to open my eyes to look Jasper in the eyes and reassure him, but I was safer behind my eyelids. I was shut off from the world, they couldn't get in and I couldn't get out. I wanted to escape, but I couldn't. Only a comforting touch could drag me out of this prison.

"Alice. Help her, she isn't responding. I don't want to lose her!" Jasper pleaded, his voice still worried. Lose me? I was right here. I tried to call out to him but nothing worked. A light breeze caressed my face but it didn't unfreeze my posture.

"Bella?" Alice's musical voice called me, her voice shaking slightly with fear. I remained still, unable to break out of my trance. A small hand pressed lightly on my arm to try get my attention and I surrender to it. It had brought me out of my frozen self and I was immensely grateful. There's only so long you can lock yourself away before you go mad.

I relaxed instantly in Alice's arms. They were comforting, understanding and accepting- just how a best friend's arms should be and she knew this.

"Alice." I breathed, my voice marred with fear. I didn't want to lose myself again and today I almost did.

"It's alright Bella. It's alright. Open your eyes; look at me." She insisted, her voice soothing to my nerves. I'd never find a better friend than she was. I reluctantly opened my eyes, the brightness hurting them for only a second.

I was face to face with my best friend, her ink black hair beautifully styled, but something was wrong. Her face was twisted with emotion, her topaz eyes filled with complete and utter anxiety and pain. It didn't look right on her. Where was the care free Alice I knew? I frowned at her facial expression. I didn't like it.

"Oh Bella!" Alice exclaimed, hugging me tightly to her tiny frame. I could feel the worry rolling off her in waves; I hated to think what Jasper would be feeling right now. Alice pulled away from the hug, examining me from arms length. I could see her eyes darting on my face, as if she was trying to see the bruises and scars.

I glanced quickly around the room, trying to avoid her intense gaze. Rosalie was sat on the sofa, her eyes filled with disbelief, her lips tight with anger. Somewhere deep down in her eyes, I noticed the concern and guilt she had for me, for my welfare. Esme was sat on the loveseat, frozen. Her mouth was agape in shock, all her features tender with anxiety. Her eyes examined me, trying to find the proof of my words but she knew they were true. Beside her sat Carlisle, his usual calm facade, gone. His eyes were filled with fury directed straight at my father, Charlie. I'd never seen Carlisle so angry before. His nostrils were flared, his fists clenched with anger. He looked so frightening that I almost cowered away. Emmett was stood partially in the doorway, his expression unreadable. I practically saw all the hatred boiling under his skin, threatening to spill over. Emmett's anger usually meant destruction and he was treading on a very thin line. His meaty were clenched, aching to rip something apart. Jasper was still stood up, nothing but worry painted on his face. Worried about me. If you peered close enough, you could see the chagrin etched deep in his eyes- Jasper was in fight mode.

My eyes briefly flickered towards Edward, anxious of his reaction. It was the worst out of them all. His god like features were marred with malice and fury, something I'd never seen on him before. Edward's topaz eyes were suddenly onyx. The pure black was livid, sparks of temper bursting in them. The top of the fireplace was crumbling as Edward's grip tightened on it. His hand was taut as it clung onto the marble, as if he was trying to root himself to the spot. I could hear how uneven his breathing was as it matched mine.

"Edward?" I asked tentatively, my voice hushed. The concern I felt for him even surprised me. I wanted nothing more than to walk up to him and tell him everything was going to be okay. His eyes shot up to meet mine, softening minutely when he caught me looking at him. The anger did not go from his features as I hoped it would of.

"What?" Edward's voice was strained to be polite but I could still hear the fury behind it. I tried not to the flinch away from his voice but I still did, unable to stop it. He resumed going back to his furious state and I sighed. Why were the Cullens still angry? It happened years ago, I was still trying to recover but why should it bother them? They don't need to be the way they are.

"I deserved what he did me, okay? I wasn't being a good daughter." I voiced my opinion on the situation, like it was no big deal. The words were the truth to me. But something told me I shouldn't of. The atmosphere in the room changed and I immediately took a step back. I could already taste the temper in the air.

"You think you deserved it?!" Edward growled, his muscles tensed and his eyes furious. I took yet another step back, regretting I ever said anything. I didn't answer; I knew he'd see the truth in my eyes. His eyes widened as he noticed I really did mean it.

"Bella... Please tell me you're joking!" Jasper interrupted, his eyes blazing. I should of definitely kept my mouth shut. I reluctantly shook my head, answering him.

"Bella..." Edward snarled; his tone worse than livid. He was mad. I winced slightly but held my ground, I was right. He took a step towards me, his fists clenched, emotions running a million miles an hour.

"You've got 5 seconds to take what you said back or I swear I'll..." Edward threatened, but I wasn't fazed. He could say whatever he wanted; it wouldn't be any worse what he had said to me in the forest.

"You'll do what? Hit me like Charlie?" I questioned, my head tilted in curiosity. He flinched away from my words like I burned him with acid.

"Listen Bella..." Emmett began, crossing his arms but I stopped him.

"No, you listen! Do you have any idea what it's like to have a daughter walk around like she's a zombie? To watch your daughter slowly turn into a shell of herself and knowing you'll never be able to save her from herself? To see her starve herself? To see her staring at a wall for days on end? To hear screams in the middle of the night from her nightmares? Do you have any idea?!" I growled, anger boiling up inside of me. The Cullens stood frozen, their faces tortured to hear how I was when they left. Edward's eyes had lost the fury, now it was replaced with guilt. Pure guilt.

"Well that's what Charlie saw me do! I guess abusing me got a reaction out of me, right?! He wasn't even bothered when I jumped off that damn cliff!" I carried on, all my pent up anger for Charlie was being released into the argument with the Cullens. Edward growled at my stupidity but I didn't care. I was still here, wasn't I?

"And do you know what the worst part was?" I asked sadly, all my rage was spent and depression began to replace it. Nobody answered me.

"The fact I knew I wasn't good enough for you. I didn't deserve to be part of your family or grace your presence. I was an insignificant human that had her head in the clouds." I admitted, sadness swirling into my words, leaving me broken and the Cullen's frozen. My little speech had ended and the hollowness began to replace me.

"Bella.. Don't." Jasper warned, sensing my emotions but I wouldn't stop it. I couldn't control it. I wanted to feel bad, wanted to wallow in the emotions that were eating me up. Everyone's anger had dissipated, just sadness replacing it. Rosalie stepped forward, giving me a tight hug that only a sister would give to a sister. I squeezed back; glad some of the tension had dissolved between us. She pulled back, a stern look crossing her perfect features.

"You say one more word about deserving it or how you don't deserve us, then I will personally tear you apart." Rosalie threatened; her face deadly serious. I nodded to show I understood. I knew she would if I did.

"I swear Bella.. Never say that stuff again, do you hear me?!" Emmett growled, stepping forward and picking me up in a bear hug, spinning me around. I laughed quietly at his enthusiasm but his tone and expression was serious. He put me down as I looked towards Edward.

Edward's beautiful face was etched with pain, his eyes glassy with guilt. He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off. I flitted over to where he was stood, anger simmering through my frozen body. He could see this in my eyes and winced slightly. Good. He should be afraid.

"How dare you leave me?!" I growled, slapping his chest causing him to stagger back but he didn't fight back, he understood my anger.

"How dare you say you didn't want me?!" I exclaimed, bringing my hands to his muscular chest and pushing him back again, my eyes filling with tears. His face tortured, his eyes conflicted but he let me carry on. I wanted him to fight back, I wanted him to defend himself but I knew he wouldn't. I could hear the anxious breaths of the Cullens behind me, but I knew what I was doing.

"This is for hurting me." I pushed him again, a little harder this time, but he didn't budge.

"This is for the tears." I repeated the action, trying to push him. Alice's sudden giggle echoed through the house, soft and enchanting like I remember it. It lightened the mood. She must of seen my plan working.

"And this is for a 100 years of waiting." I growled, grabbing the back of his head and pulling him down to my height. I smiled at our close contact, my angry facade just for drama. Edward's eyes were focused on my lips, clearly distracted. I pulled him head a few more inches until our lips touching. He pushed against my lips hungrily and I did the same. After a century, I was finally kissing him. It was perfect. It was relieving. It was what I had waited for years.

I knotted my fingers in his tousled, bronze hair, wanting him closer. All his frustration and my anger melted into our kiss, all our problems suddenly forgotten. He wrapped his arm around my waist, drawing me in even closer, a low growl humming against his lips. He wanted it as much as I did.

I pulled away from the kiss reluctantly, looking right into his dreamy topaz pools of serenity.

"Never leave me again." I pleaded, my eyes filled with hope. I couldn't live without him. Edward's eyes darkened with promises.

"I swear on the rest of my eternal life, that I will never leave you again." He swore and I could tell by the look in his eye, he meant what he said.

**Author's Note: I know in the book, he explained himself before they kissed but Bella will explain how she knew in the next chapter!:)..**

**|Reviews appreciated immensely!**


	10. Chapter Ten: It Wasn't The Worst

**Author's Note: Sorry for the very, very long update. Please forgive me? + anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Don't forget to review! Love you all!**

Chapter Nine: It's Not The Worst.

I was panicking. Infact, no. That was an understatement. The safety of the Cullens was my main worry, nothing else at all. My life meant very little compared to theirs and I'd do anything to protect them. Even if it meant I fought Victoria and her newborn army by myself. She's still out there, still alive. Watching and waiting for her oppurtunity to kill me infront of the Cullen's. But I wouldn't let her. She wouldn't recieve that satisfaction. I remember what she'd said to me as I was transforming. It was the first thing I heard with my clear hearing and they were the words I'd never forget.

_"You'll be reunited with your beloved Cullens at some point and I'll know when. Once you accepted them graciously into your life, I'll know. But when you'll least expect it, I'll find you and make Edward suffer the way I suffer, by killing his mate. By killing you. I won't be alone. Until then.. Bella." _She'd whispered these words in my ear as she disapeared into the surroundings of the forest. I didn't care if they killed me, I didn't care if Victoria killed me but to do it infront of Edward was something that I wouldn't allow. I'd fight as many of the newborns off as possible but even then my survival sounded impossible. I would try and keep myself alive for as long as possible for them.. For him. I smiled to myself as I felt a familiar arm snake around my waist and pull me into their lap.

"Bella.." Edward hummed as his lips brushed lightly against my hair, his cool breath parting it slightly. We were currently in the Cullen's living room, Edward and myself sat in the armchair as the rest of the Cullen's positioned themselves on the remaining sofa's and loveseats. The atmosphere was comfortable and I relaxed into Edward's lap. This was the most peace I'd had in a 100 years. I sensed the rest of the family, watching Edward with renewed happiness as the shell of himself was lost and the old, carefree Edward was back.

"So, what've you been up to this past century?" I asked curiously, my hair hanging over my face slightly. I was honestly interested into what they'd done for the past hundred years, unlike myself who had dragged myself through the years, some part of me hoping that I'd find the Cullens again. Carlisle frowned ever so slightly, barely a furrow in his brow, but from this little sign I knew immediately that the past hundred years were not the greatest.

"I worked at hospitals around the area, depending on where we living at the time. Even the biggest hospitals like the ones in Alaska didn't give me satisfaction like Forks. I guess, I was always secretly hoping you'd show up." Carlisle admitted, running his hand through his golden hair, a small smile playing at his lips. My frozen heart swelled, knowing that Carlisle, the man I'd always considered a father had actually missed me.

"We all missed you Bella." Jasper cut it, sensing my emotions. Part of me agreed with him, but the smallest proportion of myself denied it, as it always has. Jasper frowned, shaking his head at my disbelief.

"I was the most regular patient in hospital." I confessed, remembering the countless times I was admitted into hospital from Charlie's beatings. Edward tensed under me, his knuckles digging into my stomach as he realised what I meant. Carlisle frowned again, this time it was more noticeable. Anger leaked into his tawny eyes but he tried to hide it. The room was filled with silence but I could see the questions running through their minds.

"What was the worst injury you recieved off Charlie?" Emmett growled, the first to break the silence. Rosalie shot him a warning glance, understanding it was a very touchy subject for me, but he was too angry to notice. I frowned into my lap, trying to remember my hazy memories.

"You don't have to answer that, Bella." Alice offered, but her tone was one of anger and curiosity. I waved her off, wanting to tell them but slightly afraid of how they would react.

"No it's fine, I'm just trying to remember.." I explained, sifting through the injuries in my head. Broken arm? No. Broken legs? That wasn't the worst. Edward's fists were still pressed tightly against my stomach as he waited for my answer. I leaned back into him a little bit more, seeking the comfort he held. He noticed, pulling me tightly to his muscular chest. I continued to think, remembering the worst.

"I think it was a broken pelvis.." I answered, as the breaths of all the Cullens got caught in their throats. I immediately shook my head, knowing that wasn't the worst. There was something else.

"That wasn't the worst, was it?" Esme said sadly as I shook my head at her question. Carlisle's fists were clenched, the tendons in his arms stiff. I could almost see the working out in his head as he figured out the recovery time for my injuries. Edward tightened again, reading the thoughts of Carlisle and I knew they were having a private conversation in their minds. I sensed Edward frowning, a small growl bubbling in his throat. I gently pressed a hand to his chest, trying to calm down. He relaxed into my touch, his hands unclenching as he kissed my temple.

"Bella? I'm sorry to be so personal, but I _need_ to know what the worst was." Carlisle asked quietly, his voice calm. Calm before a storm.. I vaguely remember the night where he pushed me down the stairs, the night where he used his studded leather belt, the night when.. I felt myself pale as I swayed slightly in Edward's arms.

"Love?" Edward's musical voice was anxious as he noticed the hitch in my breaths. I absentmindedly stroked my neck, the memories of Charlie filling my head. The way he span me around, the cool barrell of his gun pressed into my chest, the way I bled across the kitchen floor.. I had almost died that night.

"Bella.. Are you okay?" Rosalie asked tenatively, her topaz eyes filled with concern. I shook my myself, trying to break out of my little trance.

"It happened a week after you left.." I recalled, the breathing in the room had now stopped but I continued. Edward pulled me into him, trying to comfort me.

"Charlie was at work and he asked me to make dinner for him. It was quite a easy task to do but I managed to mess it up. My mind was.. elsewhere. I burnt the food and didn't have time to redo it. Charlie would of been home in 5 minutes." I stopped as waves of calm hit me and I gratefully let them, I wanted to be relaxed, I didn't want to feel fear of Charlie anymore. I turned more into Edward, breathing in his calming scent as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Edward sensed my stress and he gently ran his hands down my back.

"I threw everything away, I knew he didn't like burnt meals. I could hear the the crunch of gravel as his cruiser pulled up, the sloshing of water from his steel cap boots. He kicked the door open, shouting about something that happened at work. He walked straight into the kitchen, leaving the door wide open. I remember how he scanned the table, his eyes seeking out the food but there was no food. I knew I was going to get it tonight.." I carried on, the memory suddenly vivid and crystal clear in my mind. Edward shook me slightly.

"It's alright Bella, you don't have to carry on." He comforted me, wrapping his arms all the way around me. I ignored him and carried on.

"He grabbed me by my hair, yanking my head back, so I would look him in the eyes. I hated looking him in eyes.." I muttered, staring out of the window.

"You can stop now, Bella." Carlisle spoke as he noticed my rigid appearance and pained eyes. But I just carried on, too stuck in my memory.

"He was angry. Man, he was angry. Furious. He pushed me up against the cupboards, whilst pulling his gun out of his holster." I remembered, squeezing my eyes shut, not wanting to see Charlie's livid brown eyes.

"Bella..Stop." Jasper commanded, his gaze stern. But I didn't want to stop, I wanted to continue.

"He shouted at me for dinner, he shouted at me for moping, he shouted at me for being a waste of space. I didn't cry, I just stood there. Waiting. The barrell of the gun were shoved firmly in my chest, trying to intimidate me but I didn't let it. I knew he wouldn't. I was wrong. So very wrong. I didn't react, I didn't move and he hated it. He wanted a reaction. So he slapped me, but I didn't cry.. He shouted at me again and he just pulled the.. he just pulled the trigger. I fell to the floor, but he didn't let me stay there. He picked me up by my hair and threw me out of the house into the rain.. It was cold. I was tired, I felt myself losing it but I kept going on. I promised Edward I would.. It hurt. So much." I whispered, wrapping my arms around my knees, trying to keep myself together.

The silence was deafening and I shook in Edward's arms as tears sprang to my eyes. I was vaguely aware of Edward's fists crushing my back and I winced slightly, not wanting him to let go. He was my rock right now, if he went then I fell down the cliff. Edward's hands relaxed slightly and he tightly pressed me to him, kissing my forehead softly, trying to comfort me.

A loud growl boomed through the house and I cowered into Edward's arms, the sound reminding me of Charlie. But this sound was much more threatening, it was Emmett's.

"Son. Calm yourself down. Think of Bella." Carlisle murmured, but I sensed the anger rolling off him, I knew he wastrying to hold it in for the family, for me but he wouldn't last much longer. I knew it.

"Babe. I'm annoyed as you are, but just calm down, for Bella. She needs us." Rosalie whispered to Emmett and I was sort of surprised. I still wasn't used to our close bond but I was grateful for Rosalie's words and comfort.

"Bella?" Everyone whispered at different time, each voice was layered with sympathy, but I could sense they were concealing what they were truly feeling.

"I kept going in the hope of one day, I'd find you all again. Your all I have. Your all I need. Your all my family." I confessed. I was telling the truth. They were all I've ever had and all I've ever needed.

_"Spend your time with them wisely, Bella. Remember Victoria? She'll come after you and you promised never to let them hurt the Cullens. Tell them all how much they mean to you, who knows how long you have left."_ The voice in the back of my head warned me and I knew it was true.

I guess forever with the Cullens wasn't aslong as I had hoped for..


	11. Chapter Eleven: The Phone Call

**Author's Note: The action will start to happen in this chapter, I'm sorry about the short chapter before:(. Love you all, please review, it means the world! Love you all!**

Chapter Eleven: Let's Arrange A Date!

The canteen was a loud buzz of noise, students chattering and eating loudly, my sensitive picked up all the seperate conversations that were happening, but nothing remotely interesting was being said. I twisted the apple in my hand, observing the way the light bounced off the shiny red surface, the colours blending into one another. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the silent conversation going on between Edward and Alice, their topaz eyes flickering to me every so often. I rolled my eyes, expressing my annoyance. I glanced slyly around the the canteen, checking no one was gawking at us. Everyone's eyes were diverted to their friends, food or tables and luckily not on us. I smirked as I twisted the apple once more in my hand and then flicked it casually to Emmett, who's reflexes didn't disapoint him. He started to laugh loudly, humored at my attempts.

"Not hungry, Bella?" Emmett teased, the apple still in his large hands, he pointed it towards me as if to offer it. I laughed, the melodic sound drifting around the table. Edward's eyes stayed on me, softening as his hearing picked up my sound of laughter. I diverted my attention back to Emmett, a small smile playing on my lips.

"I'm on diet, remember?" I joked, winking at him and glancing down at my tray of untouched food. A round of laughter went around the table and I couldn't help but join in.

"Bella. You're going to recieve a phone call in 10 seconds." Alice pointed out, a large grin spread across her beautiful face. I slid the phone out of my pocket, glancing at it for a split second before it started to ring. A unknown ID popped up on screen and I frowned slightly. How did they get hold of my number?

"What's wrong, love?" Edward asked, his brow furrowed as he studied my facial expression. I shook my head, telling him nothing was wrong. I pressed the answer button and held it up to my ear.

_"Don't say anything, Bella. Just repeat what I say and everything will run smoothly." _A familiar feline voice spoke through the phone and I automatically gripped the phone harder. Victoria. I could feel the Cullens looking at me, judging my expressions. I shook my head, smiling slightly at them. Her words reminded me of how James had manipulated me to say certain words so no one would get hurt. Her tone was threatening and I knew she'd involve the Cullens if I didn't obey. I sighed, waiting patiently for her instructions.

_"Good. They haven't caught on have they? Answer Yes or No."_ Victoria asked as I glanced up. The Cullens were back to what they were doing before, trying to give me privacy but I knew they were listening in to what I was going to say. Alice and Edward were back to their conversation but Edward kept his eyes trained on me, watching my every move. I rolled my eyes.

_"_No." I answered, just a simple one word answer. I tried to make my tone sound friendly but even I heard the coldness seep into my tone.

_"Very good. Going all to plan. Anyway, how about we arrange a date? Just me, you and a couple of friends on mine?"_ I could hear the smugness in her voice. I knew immediately what she was talking about when she said 'friends of mine'. Newborns. I growled very lowly, too low for anyone but Rosalie to pick up. Her perfect eyebrow raised in concern but I shook my head.

_"_Sounds great, when and where?" I forced out, trying to manage a smile as I said it. Edward frowned ever so slightly, but I ignored it. I knew he wasn't jealous of whoever I was talking to.

_"You sound so eager, Bella. Tonight? At the baseball field?_" Victoria's voice hardened at the end, as she undoubtedly remembered her time with James there. I clenched the phone tighter, my anger bubbling underneath my pale skin. Her tone told me that the location and date was non negotiable and I was panicking slightly. I would have to say my goodbyes after school, who knows whether I'd survive tonight.. The probability was slight but dertermination overtook me, I could do it. I could do it for the Cullens. For him..

"Sure." I said calmly, weighing up my options of survival.

_"See you then, Bella. I'd prefer it if you kept our conversation private, we wouldn't want the Cullens to get involved, would we?"_ I could hear the smile in her voice and I bit back a growl. She would never hurt the Cullens whilst I was around. The dialling tone beeped, signalling she had hung up. I gripped the phone in my hand, the glass screen cracking and crumbling to dust. I pulled it away from my ear, the full body of the phone now snapped in half but I didn't care. Anger was the only emotion evident in me now.

"Bella? You okay?" Jasper asked, feeling the anger pouring off me. I cursed lowly under my breath, trying to keep my emotions under control. They couldn't catch on.. I slammed the phone down on the table, the Cullens eyes widening.

"Who was on the phone?.." Rosalie questioned, appraising the crushed phone. I clenched my fists under the table, trying to vent my anger out some other way. I tried to think of an excuse, several different people running in my mind.

"Leah Clearwater." I growled, venting my anger out on her name. The truth was we never talked, a vampire and a wolf girl did not go well together at all. The Cullens looked at me confused at who it might be.

"She's a wolf? Accusing me of hunting on their land. I don't go anyway near those mutts.." I muttered, the lies pouring out of my mouth. Edward smirked at my use of words, remembering how close Jacob had been to me a few years ago. Jacob imprinted on a girl while ago, they married decades ago but I wasn't invited.. I frowned slightly, remembering how he was my only salvation in the dark times that Edward left. Rosalie scoffed as I rose from the table, picking up my tray. I kissed Edward quickly on his perfect lips and danced lightly to the bin. I slid the uneaten food into the rubbish, thankful that I didn't have to try and eat it.

"I'll be late tonight, I need to sort a few things around the house. Be round later.." I lied, talking in only a volume that vampires would hear. I sensed them nodding as I skipped out of the canteen doors.

"She's lying." Edward murmured but I heard him perfectly. I winced. I was lying for his safety.. For their safety. If only he knew who I was meeting tonight.. I took a deep breath. It's all him. It's always been for him.


	12. Chapter Twelve: Breakdown

**Author's Note: Thank you all very much for your reviews! They're very motivating and I enjoy reading immensley! This is for all you lovelies!- Not much too action in this one, just Bella's insecurities!-**

Chapter Twelve: Breakdown.

I walked gracefully towards my car, the parking lot bustling with busy students and revving cars, but my mind was too occupied to notice the soundes. The thought of Victoria instantly ran shivers down my spine, filling me with a chilling fear. It wasn't fear for my own life, it was the fear for the Cullens. The idea of losing them forever made my stomach clench. They wouldn't be taken away from me. They couldn't. How could I possibly survive without them? How could I have them leaving me? A roll of nausea hit me at the thought, I'd just got them back. I couldn't lose them again

I leant against the hood of my car, trying to calm myself down. Life without the Cullens is no life at all. I could sense several pairs of eyes on me, but I ignored them. Attention was the one thing I didn't like. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply, trying to take steady breaths. One scent hit me in particular and my eyelids fluttered open. Alice was stood infront of me, her wide topaz eyes steely and harsh, her perfect face contorted with anger but I could see the underlying of worry.

"Whatever you're about to do tonight, please don't. Your future goes blank, Bella. I can't sense you in my visions anymore. It's as if you've just been sentenced to your death." Alice muttered, her tone sharp but flustered. My eyes flickered up to the parking space where the Cullens were usually parked, but it was empty. I exhaled in relief, Edward wouldn't be able to read her mind and the none of the others would be able to hear our conversation. A small proportion of me was screaming in fear at the fact I would surely die tonight, but the rest of me didn't care. If I killed Victoria and I died in the process then the Cullens would be safe. That's all the reassurance I needed.

"It's nothing bad, Alice. I'm going to visit Jacob- my old friend. You know you can't see the wolves in your visions." I lied, the words flowing out of my mouth. The excuse was very reasonable but Alice raised her perfect eyebrows in disbelief. I hadn't fooled her yet. She shook her head, clenching her teeth.

"Vampires can't over the treaty line, Bella. You know that. Now stop lying and tell me what you're planning!" Alice growled, her tone frustrated. I rolled my eyes in mock annoyance, crossing my arms defensively. It was all part of the act.

"The treaty was rewritten whilst you were.. away." I finished the last word, sadness seeping into my tone. I was lying to my best friend, the one person that could 'trust' me and I was abusing that. I played the leaving card because I knew she wouldn't question me any further. In all honesty, the sadness in my voice was real, just the words weren't. Since being back with the Cullens, I was carefree, I was alive. But part of my was gnawing at the hole in my chest. My head asking myself questions; what if they leave me again? What if they were just lying about being glad to have me back? I shoved the thoughts aside, trying not to dwell on them at all. I was suffering enough.

Alice's angry face faltered, her eyes softened and her face was a mask of guilt. I didn't want to do this to her, I didn't want to cause her this guilt and pain, but I had to lie to protect them. It was all for them. I smiled at her, happy she had dropped the subject.

"Where is Edward?" I asked, looking over her shoulder, hoping he had suddenly appeared. Even when I know he's around, panic always seems to clutch me in an unbreakable grip. Panic bubbled underneath my skin at the thought of him away from me. I had a feeling that I'd always be this way. I'd always feel the painful relief of seeing him after being away, I'd always feel the painful hole in my chest when he was away. That's just a part of me now.

"He's at home, waiting for you.." Alice eyed me up and down, studying my rigid posture. I smiled, it was so relieving to know he was anxious to see me aswell. I felt wanted and that was an amazing feeling.

"I'll drop you off, the chores I have to do can wait.." I offered, shrugging my shoulders and fiddling with the eyes. Alice beamed and danced gracefully to the passengers side of the car. I grinned and unlocked the car, slipping in whilst doing it. The feel of the cool leather relaxed me and I sunk back into the seat, revving the engine and gliding out of the school parking lot.

**- 10 minutes later-**

Heavy drops of rain dropped loudly onto the front screen of the car as I parked up outside the Cullens. Alice slid out of the car, shutting the door gently as she waited for me to get out. I took a deep breath. This was it. This might be the last time I see them again.. Pain flooded me instantly and I winced. Goodbyes were the hardest. Especially when they weren't supposed to know where you were going.

I sighed heavily and rose fluidly out of the car, clicking the lock button on the remote and flitting quickly inside. The drastic temperature drop made me shiver as the warmth permeated my cold skin, but I'd never be about 20 degrees. I glided gracefully into the living room, as Alice flew past me and straight into Jasper's arms. He smiled lovingly at her and she did the same. The moment was so personal that I had to look away. Alice and Jasper didn't display their affection towards each other as other couples did, but just by watching them, you could see the love radiating off them.

I scanned the room, but only Alice, Jasper and Esme were sat down, the others were nowhere to be seen. My topaz eyes darted the room again, expecting them to materialize out of nowhere. Fear gripped me. Had Victoria got to them? Jasper must of sensed my distress as a calming wave sweeped over me and left me in a traquil state. He shook his head sadly, almost as if he was expecting for the panic to cease me. Alice and Jasper gave each other a quick look, secretly discussing the severness of my emotions.

"Rosalie and Emmett are hunting, Edward and Carlisle are upstairs in the study." Esme explained, smiling gently at me. I quickly flitted over to her, lightly kissing her cheek. She looked so maternal, so gentle, so peaceful. Esme was more of a mother than Renee ever was. She put me at ease immediately with her soothing words and kind gestures. I tripped lightly to the bottom of the stairs, intent of going up and seeking out Edward.

"Bella." Alice called out softly, I turned my head to meet her gaze, my foot already on the bottom step.

"Yes, Alice?" I asked, taking my hand off the hand rail and turning my body towards her.

"Jasper can feel your emotions, Bella. He can sense the panic you feel when Edward isn't near you. He can feel the fear roll off you when one of us is missing. I can see you trying to hold yourself together when you're by yourself. I notice the way your eyes dart anxiously around a room trying to seek us out immediately. It's okay, Bella. You can stop all that now. We're not leaving you again, we're not leaving you ever." Alice spoke quietly, assessing my reaction with her soft, topaz eyes.

The first thing I felt was pain. So much pain. The pain of the memories and the way I was. I was speechless. Speechless from the hurt, speechless from the shock. I staggered back, my ankles hitting the bottom step. I sunk down, my head in my hands. The rush of memories made me dizzy and I tried to steady myself. I could feel the calm walves sweep over me, but it did nothing to help my state. My breaths were coming out in short gasps. Deep down, Alice was right. I knew she was right. My head saw the sense she was speaking, but my heart rejected the words. I knew they weren't going to leave me again; but part of me was telling me they would. In all truth, I was slightly embarrassed. No one had really noticed how I kept myself together or dealt with the loss of the Cullens, but they had. They all had.

"You can let it out, Bella. It's alright." Esme soothed, offering me to let all my emotions go. I shook my head stiffly at the possible thought. All the pain I'd be putting them through if I did..

"Not infront of you." I murmured so quietly that it sounded like a breeze. I couldn't do that to them. I didn't want the sympathy. Tears sprung to my eyes as I stared at the wall.

"Bella.. Edward isn't going to leave. Please grasp that." Jasper spoke softly, the plead evident in his voice. I was standing at the very edge of an emotional cliff and Jasper's words had just pushed me over the edge. I sucked in a deep breath, sobs building up inside of me.

"Edward!" Jasper called anxiously, sensing how I was about to break down. The only person who could ever bring me out of this turmoil was Edward. A light breeze of air swirled my hair around my face and I closed my eyes, not daring to look at anything.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was rough with worry but the melodic sound put me at ease immediately. I slowly opened my eyes, anxious to see his perfect face. It was mere centimetres away from mine, his cool breath caressing my skin. Edward was crouched down infront of me, anxiety and pain twisting his perfect features, his eyes holding so much emotion.

"Edward." I breathed, wanting to feel his touch, wanting to sense his kisses. He leaned in, his glass smooth lips brushing lightly on my forehead. I surrended to it, my posture relaxing. Edward's muscular arms wrapped me around me tightly as he swung me into his comforting arms. I gripped his shirt as tightly as I could, his scent washing over me. I breathed it in deeply as he tightened his grip on me.

"I love you Bella.. So, so much. You're my life, always and forever." Edward whispered into my ear and I pushed my face into his muscular chest, trying not to let him see the tears.

"I love you Edward, more than my own life. Please don't leave me, please, please." I begged, wrapping my arms around his neck and drawing myself tighter towards him.

"I will never leave you again, Bella. I'm sorry, so sorry. You deserve so much more than an apology, so much more. Please forgive me. Forgive me for leaving, for not protecting you, for everything. I hope you can because I honestly don't know how I could leave without you.." Edward pleaded, his voice on the verge of fearful. He feared for me not forgiving him? I kissed his chest softly, earning a sigh of relief off Edward.

"There's nothing to forgive you for." I explained, pushing myself up in his arms to press my lips to his. He responded eagerly, pressing me even further into him. My worry fueled the kiss. I seeked comfort off him. Who knew how long me had left?

**Author's Note: Good or bad? Should I of even put this chapter in?!**


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Victoria!

**Author's Note: Now this is where the action happens! Tell me what you think by review! It means the world. Enjoy my lovelies!**

**MariaDeNoir- You are a legend, my friend! You're so very kind + you've got amazing stories aswell!**

Chapter Thirteen: Newborn Army.

I was going to die, Alice had even seen my future disapear and her visions hadn't been proved wrong yet. A tiny portion of me was fearing the idea of death, the idea of a painful end to my life but the rest of me was relieved. Relieved the Cullens weren't involved, relieved that they wouldn't be hurt by _her_. The name was enough to send growls rising in my throat and chills running down my spine. _She_ was the only problem right now, _she_ was the only thing that was stopping me from having a perfect life.

I had said my goodbyes to the Cullens and they had done the same; they just didn't know it would of probably been my last. I slowed down as I approached the baseball field, my steps leading to my death, my steps securing my future. I cautiously stepped out from the cover of the trees, inhaling the air deeply as if it would be my last breath. The scents of several vampires hit my senses and I whipped my head sharply to the side.

_She _was stood two metres away from me; her sinister, black eyes watching me visciously. The wild, orange hair that framed her eternal face was tousled with the wind's excited touch, but she didn't seem to notice. Her features were twisted with malice, the smile on her face widened wickedly. She was flanked by at least 30 newborns, their vivid, red eyes locked onto their target. Me. I was outnumbered and in that moment, I knew that my death was imminent. I growled lowly as I took another step, my eyes trained on Victoria. She would be the first one I would kill.

My fists were clenched tightly to my sides, restraining me from jumping on her and ripping her throat out in one movement. I flexed my lean arms, watching her every move. The smile she wore widened, showing her razor sharp teeth. She was taunting me, trying to get me wound up. I shook my head, my eyes narrowing as they scanned the newborn army behind her. Their pale faces were exactly alike, inhumanely beautiful but I could sense the danger behind them. They were stronger than me, their own blood lingering in their scorched veins. They'd be the hardest to take out. After I killed Victoria, they'd rip me apart but at least my services would be done.

"So nice to see you again, Bella." Victoria chuckled, her feline voice matching her cat-like physic. The smile on her face was so obviously fake, her kind act so clearly put on. I could see the anger behind her eyes.

"Victoria." I growled, taking a step closer to her, my control wearing thin. She danced a step forward, copying my movement. This made me angrier and a growl slipped out of my lips. She was pushing it.

"How has eternal life been treating you? Badly, I hope." She taunted, her smile slipping, anger becoming more evident on her face. I snarled at her remark, fury pulsing through me.

"Quite the contrary." I spoke curtly, as Victoria's calm facade began to crumble, exposing a flashes of fury. The angry she got, the worse she would be at fighting.

"That's a shame. How have the Cullens been?" She grinned maliciously, the threat evident in her voice as she mentioned the family I loved so dearly. My fingers twitched, aching to reach out and grab her. I wouldn't let her hurt them, no finger would be laid upon them.

"Don't you even talk about them!" I snarled, taking several steps towards her, daring her to try and start something. We were less than a few feet away from each other now, waiting for one of us to attack. The viscious newborns had created a half semi circle around Victoria, their muscles coiled, waiting for the command.

"It's a real shame that I will have to take you away from them. They'll be so upset.." Victoria jeered, her eyes darting quickly to the forest and back. Victory flashed through her eyes momentarily but it soon disapeared. A sick smile quickly spread across her face and my vision hazed red. My control not to kill her had dwindled down to nothing and one more remark would result in a broken neck. I knew my chance of survival was thin but the way she worded it made me me furious.

"They don't know I'm here." I reproached, glad I hadn't told them where I was. They'd be safe. A quiet rustling sounded behind me but I was too angry to contemplate on what it was.

"Are you sure?" Victoria laughed but the sound was menancing and bitter. I knew she was trying to trick me, get me off guard so she could attack. I shook my head stiffly, my eyes remaining on her. She laughed again, her head thrown back, exposing her neck. I was tempted to grab it. Anger pulsed through me.

"Bella!" A familiar voice called behind me. It was entrancing and musical but the tone was furious. I felt my face pale. They couldn't be here. They would get hurt. No, no, no! I was doing this for their safety. Why couldn't they respect that decision?

"Edward, no!" Alice screeched, the pure fear and anxiety making me shudder. I whipped my head around, worried that Edward had been hurt. I turned my back on Victoria, anxious to see whether he was alright. Had the newborns got to him? My eyes were wild as I searched for him.

That's all it took. A second of distraction. A second of being unguarded. Her foot swiftly kicked the back of my knees, the sudden force throwing me forward. Victoria shoved my back roughly so I was kneeling towards the Cullens. A pair of newborns clutched my arms, yanking them so they weren't by my sides. They gripped my wrists hard, pain pulsing through them. I struggled against their steely grips, trying to break free. But it didn't work. I was paralyzed.

I kept my gaze on the ground, not daring to look up and see their reactions. They weren't supposed to follow me here, they weren't supposed to see this; why didn't they listen? They were going to get hurt because of me!

"Edward." Victoria addressed, a smile in her voice. She was enjoying herself, she was going to enjoy hurting me infront of them all.

"Let her go, Victoria." Edward growled, his musical voice menacing. The ground shook slightly as he stepped forward, but suddenly Victoria's hands were on my throat, locking my head in a marble vice. One swift move and she could break my neck, one swift move and I would be dead.

Edward's steps stopped and I glanced up, afraid of what I would see. His once topaz eyes were blackened with anger, but they were depthless; desperation and desolation the only thing evident in his eyes. He couldn't do anything; not without causing my death. He straightened up, his shoulders slumping in defeat. I didn't want to see him this way. He didn't deserve it.

My efforts of escaping were futile as the newborns clung onto my wrists. Edward took a step back, rejoining his family, waiting for Victoria's words, waiting for her verdict. Victoria's hands loosened from my neck a little, but they still captured my throat.

"Run! You're not fighting. Not over me, you're not!" I growled, warning them. They could still get away, they could still be safe. Victoria's hands tightened around my neck and I snarled again.

The Cullen's eyes were locked on me, disbelief masking their faces. Jasper had posistioned Alice behind him, defending her if any of them attacked. His honey blonde hair hung over one of his eyes and just like Edward's, they were onyx with fury. They flashed to me, pain briefly clouding them. He was hurt I was like this, hurt because I was in this position. Alice's lip was curled over her teeth, a small growl rising in her throat. I could sense the protectiveness rolling off her, the protectiveness for me. Emmett stood beside Jasper, the bands of muscles rippling as he sized up the newborns. His eyes kept flashing towards me, anger and sadness conflicting them. Rosalie stood slightly behind him, her mouth slightly agape, her eyes locked onto mine. Something flashed in them, something I'd never seen before..

Concern. Concern for me. Anger swirled into them; anger aimed at Victoria, at the newborns. Her beautiful hair rustled in the breeze, but it didn't bother her. I could sense the sisterley love and protectiveness rolling off her, just like Alice. I was in disbelief. She considered me a sister? She wanted to protect me? Carlisle and Esme stood nearest to Edward, their parental eyes trained on me; helplessness flooding them, but dertermination evident on their features.

I choked a little; they all wanted to protect me, they all loved me in their own way and I instantly knew I had a made an impression in their lives, no matter how small.

"Go. Please." I begged, my voice rough with worry. I couldn't let them get hurt. I had promised myself. Their heads moved infinitesimally as if they were disagreeing with me, shaking their heads. I growled, damning their stubborness.

"So the infamous Cullens are back." Victoria spat, her hands tightening around my neck. Pain began to pulse through my throat and I shook my head, trying to subdue the strain. The newborns gripped my wrists tighter as I struggled.

"What do you want, Victoria?" Jasper asked curtly, his eyes filling with anger as his fists tightened by his sides. I sucked in a deep breath, I knew what she wanted. It wasn't something they could give and it wasn't something I was willing to give away.

My life.

Victoria laughed again, the sound brittle and bitter; as though she was forcing it. As her laughs dwindled away, I could feel the hatred suddenly begin to radiate off her. She must be remembering James, killed because of me. I shook my head, slumping slightly in her grip. It was no use. He was gone and I would be too.

"There are a lot of things I want in this eternal life. But the one thing I want more than anything is gone. Never to come back and _you _took that away from me! You took James away from me! You took away my mate!" Victoria growled, her hands clenching tighter. I winced slightly as cracks slowly began to form on my neck. It was breaking.

"So I'm going to do the same to you." She stated calmly, her gaze clearly on Edward. A round of snarls and growls rose from the Cullen's throats- even Carlisle and Esme. Emmett's arms rippled as Jasper's eyes widened at her motive.

"No!" Edward roared, as he tried to take another step forward. Carlisle gripped his forearm tightly, holding him back. He knew the consequences of Edward's actions if he took another step. I was silently relieved; they would look after him, they would make sure he did nothing reckless.

"Please. Just go!" I begged, my eyes darting anxiously at all of them, drinking them up as if they'd be my last scene before I died.

"We're not going anywhere." Rosalie growled, her topaz eyes boring down into mine.

"Just let her go and I'll do anything." Edward whispered, his black eyes wide as he watched me. I shook my head violently, thrashing against their grips. He would nothing of the sort. He didn't owe her anything.

"Don't you dare." I threatened, anger fueling inside of me. Nothing he could do would get me out of this.

"I'm afraid that the only thing I want to do is kill Bella. I don't want anything else." The honesty in her voice surprised me; it appears no lies were to escape her lips tonight.

"Now you can feel what I feel everyday.. Every second of this eternal life!" Victoria snarled. The pain in my neck and arms were worse now, their grips were getting tighter, their control diminishing.

"Please, go." I tried one last time, but I knew it was no use. They were stubborn. Ripples of angered growls flew between the Cullens as I begged. They shouldn't be here to see this.

"Don't." Edward whispered, the word marring with torture and desperation. He was begging, begging for my life.

"I love all of you; Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice. Most importantly- you, Edward. Never forget it." I breathed, sensing my imminent death; it was soon to come. Rosalie blinked, surprised at the fact that I loved her. No matter what, she was my sister- even if she treated me how she did. The smiles of the faces were sad, but understanding. Sad, but held so much admiration and love that it blew me away.

"More than my own life." I muttered quietly to myself, but I knew they heard.

"He promised. He lied. She believed, she died." Victoria chuckled, her tone sick and menancing. This was it. I was going to die. I closed my eyes, waiting for the pain. Waiting for the end.

"NO!" Edward roared, but it was too late. My eyes flashed open as the Victoria's hands twisted my neck, cracks spreading over my face.

They say the last thing you see before you die, is your life. And it's true. The Cullen's were my life.. Even if it was about to end.

**AU: Bella is not dead! Do not fear! Good? Bad? Review!**


	14. Chapter Fourteen: That Was A Close One!

**Author's Note: Sorry for the slow update, I've had tons of revision to do! Thank you all so much for the wonderful support and reviews!**

Chapter Fourteen: That Was A Close One.

I yanked my hand forcefully out of Alice's; not wanting to see anymore of the vision. Sometimes seeing a person's memories could be extremeley helpful and comforting, but not in this case. I had just witnessed my own death through the memory of Alice's vision. Her expression was so frightening, I almost started to cower.

Her topaz eyes were solid and impenetrable, frozen pools of gold- Just like Edward's when he left me. I winced as I saw them, afraid she'd suddenly say the words Edward had said.

"That's what I see happening tonight, so don't lie to me, Bella. You're not seeing Jacob at all!" Alice snarled, grabbing the sleeve of my shirt and tugging on it hard, just so I'd look her in the eyes. I kept my gaze away from her, embarrassed that I was caught out.

"Get in the car, I'm taking you to my house and I'm telling everyone what I just saw. How selfish can you be, Bella?! How could you take yourself away from us?" Alice seethed, pushing me towards the passenger's side of the car. Her harsh words hurt more than she would notice, burnt me like acid.

"I could say the same for you or don't you remember taking yourselves away from me?" I asked curtly. I may of looked calm from the outside but inside, I was a burning man. Self loathing started to swallow me, consume everything I was. I hated myself. I hated what could of possibly happened. I hated what I just said.

Alice flinched slightly, her eyes losing there harshness, her perfect face dropping into a grimace. I scowled, angry at myself- angry for making Alice upset. Angry for not being able to do anything right.

"I'm so sorry B-" She began, but I put my hand up, not wanting to hear her apologies- she owed me nothing.

"Forget it. I deserved that." I stated, opening the car door and sinking into the passenger seat; hatred for myself growing. I slammed the door shut, trying to keep my emotions under control. Alice slid into the driver's seat beside me, starting the engine and drifting out of the parking lot. The ride was silent, her eyes flitting to me every three seconds, her gaze was anxious and guilty, like she'd done something wrong.

"Please say something Bella, I'm so worried." Alice pleaded, her voice high pitched with anxiety. I didn't want her to feel that way, but I had nothing to say. My mouth remained shut, sealed from any words.

I just stared out of the window, finding faults in myself. My inability to be a good daughter, the fact I was a poor excuse for a girlfriend- Edward deserved better. They all did. Tears sprung to my eyes as I continued to watch the passing traffic. Alice turned up the Cullen's makeshift drive, leading to their house. The house was perfect as usual. Just like the Cullens. Unlike me. Self hatred overcome me again and I allowed it. I deserved it.

Alice stepped out of the car; gnawing on her bottom lip frantically, thinking about something. I sighed as slid out of the car, the sound of door slamming echoeing around the empty driveway. Alice lead the way, opening the front door. I followed behind, shutting the door gently as I took another step into the Cullen's house. Somewhere I didn't belong. The hatred for myself began to eat away at me, but I let it. I made my way slowly into the living room, prolonging the moment of being on my own.

A sudden force slammed into me, throwing my balance off. I staggered back, but the force threw itself into me again; knocking me down to the floor. My wrists were pinned to the floor and I struggled violently against the grip. I suddenly stopped, my breath catching in my throat. Was this Victoria? Had she come for me? Had she killed the Cullens? That thought was enough to snap me out of it and I clenched my fists tightly, trying to wriggle out of the iron grips that held my wrists to the floor. My legs were suddenly held down by their knees, pinned under their weight. I wrestled wildly against them, trying to find away out, trying to find away from their grip. But they were stronger than me, it was no use.

I stopped struggling, my thoughts suddenly elsewhere. Charlie. It reminded me so much of Charlie.. The way he would hold my wrists so tightly that I cried, held my legs down so harshly that they broke. My breaths were ragged and uneven; as I recalled his beatings. I flinched away from them, shutting my eyes tightly, trying to seek refuge from my memories. But it was no use. I was already in too deep.

_"No wonder Edward never wanted you, Isabella! Have you seen the state of yourself?! I don't blame him for leaving- if I had the choice, I would sure as hell, take it!" Charlie sneered, taking a deep gulp from the bottle in his hand. I wasn't sure what was in it. Beer? Vodka? Who knew.. Either way, it made him violent. I bit my lip, my legs trembling fiercely underneath me. I tried to control it, but I was too frightened. Too scared of my own father.._

_"Well don't just stand there, get me another drink!" Charlie roared, his hand wrapping tightly around my wrists, pain pulsing through them. I begged. I pleaded. I was deseperate for him to let go. My wrists were so thin and bony; that I was afraid he would break them. I was well aware that I was skinner than before- without him, I had no desire to eat. Aswell, at the fact that Charlie would starve me for days on end. _

I could hear someone calling my name, but it sounded distant. The voice was panicky and anxious, I could even hear the ragged breaths of the person that had me pinned down.

Was it Victoria?

**AN: So! Do you like the twist? Who do you think has her pinned down? Hope you feel like I've done this chapter justice- Review, it means the world. Even if it is a few words!**


	15. Chapter Fifteen: I'm Nothing

**Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews! + Hope you're all enjoying the story! - Liking the twists? Now, who has Bella pinned down?.. SM owns the characters!**

**If you're going to criticize then make it constructive- Just reviewing because you don't like the way the story has gone is kind of pathetic.. Anyway- thank you for the people that help!**

Chapter Fifteen- I'm Nothing.

My wrists throbbed painfully, the hands pinning them down were like tight handcuffs; encasing them in a unbreakable grip. I was dazed; my senses blurring together. I wasn't sure what was a memory and what was reality. Was Charlie holding me down right now? Had meeting the Cullens all been a dream? I was vaguely aware of my name being called loudly, somewhere in the hazy background, but I was too scared to return to reality. Scared that Charlie would really be there. I squeezed my eyes tighter, prepared for his next beating. I could practically feel his hot breath blowing on my face, I could practically smell the mist of alcohol that hung over him constantly. When would this nightmare end? I bit my lip harshly, ready to muffle my screams from Charlie. He hated hearing me screaming.

"Bella!" The voice was angry now, probably trying to snap me out of my trance; trying to get me out of this hazy mess. The tone was marred with panic, just like I'd felt all those years ago.

"Please don't hurt me; I swear it won't happen again. Just let go of me!" I begged, my struggles feeble and weak. The hands holding me down were lifted immediately; the weight pressing on me, suddenly disappearing. I sighed with tense relief, at least I wouldn't get hurt tonight.

"Bella. Look at me. Open your eyes." Edward's soft voice drifted into my hearing and I obeyed; I'd do anything he'd ever ask me. I opened my eyes reluctantly; still unsure that Charlie wasn't there.

Edward was hovering above me, his face just inches from mine. His face was twisted with an emotion I couldn't place but his topaz eyes were hard and impenetrable, exactly like they were in the forest. I recoiled away from them, pushing myself away from him and backing up against the nearest wall. The Cullen family watched us cautiously, their gazes flitting between Edward and me. Alice looked at me guiltily and I clenched my fists angrily into my sides. She'd told Edward my plan through her mind.

Edward frowned at me slightly as he assessed me closely; his eyes flickered towards my collarbone, gazing at the protruding bones then back to my wrists. Something dawned into his eyes but he quickly covered his emotions with a smooth mask. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion; what had he found out?

"Was there any need for physical force?" I grumbled, standing up gracefully and dusting myself off, trying to make myself at least a little bit more decent. Edward slowly got out of his crouch, his long, blue sleeved shirt bunched up at the elbows. It was tight against his perfectly toned muscles and I couldn't help but relax slightly at the sight.

"Have you gone completely insane, Bella? Do you have any idea how idiotic you were being?!" Edward growled, crossing his arms, his topaz eyes solid and cold. I flinched away from his words, my self hatred growing that bit more. Couldn't I do anything right? I couldn't even keep my own family or the one I loved safe.. I didn't even deserve them. I had no hold to them, nothing to keep them from leaving me again.

Jasper's eyes flicked from Edward to me, shaking his head angrily at my emotions but I just shrugged; that's how I felt and couldn't help it. A wave of peace and tranquility settled on me and as much as I wanted that to feel that I knew it fake. I growled angrily and shook it off.

"I want to feel how I am, Jasper." I stated, annoyance seeping into my tone. I deserved to feel how I was. He opened his mouth again but was cut off by Edward.

"What you were going to do was selfish!" He snarled and I blinked, shocked. He was right. I was selfish, I was annoying, I was pathetic, I was idiotic. I took a step back, surprised at the sudden comprehension that had dawned on me. I was all of those things, I was and will never be capable of caring and protecting anyone. What was I then? A waste of space? An unfornuate mishap of creation?

I raised my hand to my mouth in horror, my eyes burning with that familiar feeling that I was about to cry. I was nothing. I was nothing to anyone and I would never be.

I saw Jasper tense beside Alice; his topaz eyes widening in horror, almost as if he'd heard what I was thinking. Edward stared at me intently as he read Jasper's mind; he was trying to see the contradiction behind the hatred for myself but he would see none. Those feelings were the truth.

"I see." I whispered, the fault line in my chest rippling with such intensity that it took my breath away. Edward's eyebrow raised expectantly, waiting for me to explain.

"See what, Bella?" Alice asked nervously, her eyes wary as if she was unsure about what I was going to say next. She should know. She's the psychic.

"I'm useless, right? Nothing I do will ever be enough to protect any of you- I'm selfish and idiotic over things I haven't even done yet. I'm just a soulless monster; just becoming a waste of space in this world. I get it now." I explained quietly, my voice almost mute but they heard me clearly. Edward stared at me utter horror, his topaz eyes sporting a mad shadow across them.

"Bella! How could you think that?!" He asked, his voice furious and disbelieving as I finished my speech. He took a step forward, towards me but I shook my head slightly and took one back. Edward's eyes flashed with pain but he didn't try and take another step.

"I'm going to go. I don't even deserve to grace this house.." I muttered, turning my back slowly on the people I loved more than anyone else in the entire world. I needed time to mull my new ideas over and brood alone. A light swish of air passed behind me and a strong grip latched over the top of my arm. No guess to who it was. I turned and looked up into the burning, molten eyes that were Edward's. He looked even more pale than usual but something distracted him.

Edward stared at his hand that was wrapped tightly around the top of my arm. He twisted it slightly, observing my forearm from every angle, his eyes growing darker and angrier by the second. I stared at him, confused at why he was looking at my arm so furiously. His gaze didn't meet mine even when his eyes flickered over my face, down my neck and briefly on my ribs and hips. Edward's teeth gritted together with fury and he dropped my arm like it was white hot. His eyes narrowed and his lips pursed together.

"Edward?" I asked apprehensively; my worry for him growing. Was he alright? What was wrong with him? His nostrils flared slightly and he stepped back again, another inch away from me. Rejection stung me and I couldn't but wince. His dark eyes flickered to mine; holding some unknown emotion.

"We're going to talk about this later and you _will_ tell me the truth." Edward growled and my knees began to shake. What was he talking about? Was it serious? I wrapped my arms tightly around my torso as the hole in my chest began to reappear. Edward stared at my arms for a moment then his hard eyes softened into melted pools of serenity. He stepped forward and wrapped me in a tight, inescapable hug and I relaxed instantly into his touch.

Yet the worry still gripped me even when he sensed my tension and pulled me tighter into his muscular chest. His lips brushed the top of my head softly but the question still remained- What had he seen and what did he want to talk about?

**AN**: **So, what do you think he saw? Review please, they mean the world!**

**P.S- Sorry for such a long update!**


	16. Chapter Sixteen: You Wanted To Talk?

**AN: The reviews I have been getting have blown my mind! - Thank you all so much for the wonderful comments! Anyway, read and enjoy! + SM owns all.**

Chapter Sixteen: You Wanted To Talk?

I was running out of time, each little tick of the clock brought the Cullens closer to their death and I couldn't do anything but watch the second hand fly around the numbers. It was already 6:30pm and I only had half an hour to somehow escape the Cullen household and make my way to the baseball field to meet Victoria and her newborn 'friends'. Could I make a run for it? Would they try to stop me? My gaze flickered to the clock and then back to the front door; if there weren't so many of them, I might be able to get past.

I bounced my knee up and down impatiently, as I shifted restlessly on the sofa. Edward glanced at me again; his gaze watchful and prepared, waiting for me to try and make a run for it. I rolled my eyes at him, placing my head in my hands, trying to figure out a foolproof plan.

"Bella! Stop deciding so many things at once! My visions are all blurry and you're giving me a headache!" Alice complained, throwing me an irritated look as she crossed her arms with a huff. Jasper touched her shoulder gently with his, trying to get her to relax slightly, Alice sighed relieved, instinctively leaning into Jasper's touch. I was already yearning for the safety of Edward's arms, the relief of his lips; but he was sat half way across the room, wrestling with the anger he felt every time he looked at me.

I looked at him longingly, drinking him in, remembering every feature of his perfect face. 60 years without seeing, hearing or touching was intolerable but having him sat just a mere 6 feet away with no contact was unendurable. I squeezed my hands tightly together, trying to convince myself that the anger I kept seeing in his eyes wasn't disgust. Was he still attracted to me? Or did I repulse him?

Edward caught my gaze, sensing something in my look. Suddenly, his topaz eyes were solid, like the molten liquid had frozen and his face was a smooth mask of any emotion- but I knew that look better, he was trying to cover up his feelings. Instinctively, I recoiled away from his stare; my mind reeling back to the day he left me with the exact same look. Pain clutched my frozen heart as his words still buzzed around in my head, leaving me breathless with the agony.

I closed my eyes and shook my head ever so slightly, trying to dispel the memory in my head. But I couldn't help but remember. The way the pain trickled through my veins like acid, the sudden numbness I'd feel when I ran out of tears, the sleepless nights, the dragging days. I pressed my palms into my eyes tightly, as the conversation started to play behind my eyelids. I didn't want to see it again; it hurt too much.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was apprehensive, almost unsure and nervous as he called my name.

The sound of nerves in Edward's voice unnerved me- What was wrong? Had I done something? I reluctantly took my hands away my face and slowly opened my eyes; aware that everyone was now watching me.

Edward's face was still smooth of any emotion but his voice gave it away and the way his hair was more tousled than usual suggested he had been running his hands through it. I raised my eyebrow expectantly, waiting for him to say something. On the outside I looked calm and collected but inside I was panicking, my nerves fraying with anxiety.

"Come for a walk with me?" He asked softly, his eyes suddenly melting into burning pools of molten topaz, boring down on me with ferocious intensity. I blinked once, my mind slowly trying remember where I had heard him say it before.

Then it clicked. The forest. The party. The line in chest snapped open, flooding my body with raw agony; taking my breath away from the pain. Never had it opened as much as it did then. My arms flew around my chest, willing the hole to close up, trying to heal the reopened wound. My eyes burnt with such fierceness, I thought I was going to lose my sight- tears scorched my eyes; leaving me blind. Nothing mattered. At this particular moment, I wanted to do nothing more than to die. Death would be more peaceful than this moment.

"Not like that, Bella! God, please don't think I'd ever do anything like that again! Bella, please. I didn't mean it like that." Edward rambled, his sentences tumbling over one another in a blur of words as he stood up and flew over to where I was sat, taking my hands in his. His touch soothed my fears, calmed me down but the fault line in my chest still throbbed and I had a feeling it would always feel that way. Edward leant down and kissed my knuckles softly,whispering nothings to my hands.

I'd promised myself that I'd never show the Cullens how I'd dealt with their absence, never let the destroyed Bella within me to show and I had broken almost it. I internally kicked myself; I knew how the Cullens would react if I had fully broke down and I'll be damned if I'd let them feel that.

"I'm sorry.." I whispered so quietly that only Edward could hear me; and truly I was. He never deserved to feel anything but happiness- no sadness, no regret, no guilt. His grip on my hands tightened and he let out an angry huff. I turned my head away from his gaze, knowing I was like an open book to him. Edward lifted a hand up, placing a finger under my chin and pulling it back, so he could read me. I lowered my gaze, not meeting his eyes.

"Do _not_ apologize to me, Bella. Do you understand? I caused all this.. all this pain, all these insecurities. It's my fault how you are now. Even when I look at you every second and your safe in my arms, I feel sick. Sick to my core that I hurt you. I'm so sorry. I promise I will never fail you again." Edward vented so quickly, that I had to strain my ears to catch every word.

I didn't believe him. How could he blame himself for all my insecurities? How could he possibly think he was the source of all my pain? Anger pulsed through me. Always blaming himself. I yanked my hands roughly out of his, dander burning through my frozen body. I held his dazzling gaze, my eyes burning down angrily into his.

"You blame yourself one more time and so help me, I'll visit Volterra and stand out in that damn sunshine! Do _you_ understand me?!" I growled fiercely, registering the faint gasps of the family around us. Edward's soft eyes suddenly darkened to a sombre ochre and he snarled menacingly, pulling away from me. I knew what I said was a kick below the belt; but there was no other way to stop him guilt tripping. Of course I wouldn't set foot in Volterra unless it was absolutely necessary but Edward didn't know that.

Edward stood up abruptly, his face set in a cold, hard grimace as he extended his hand out, waiting for me to take it. A flash of de ja vu shot through me and I shuddered at the sudden memory. Emotionless, a beckoning hand, a walk.. Edward sighed angrily, still annoyed at what I had said. I glanced at him warily, trying to see the deception but all I saw was anger. I slipped my hand gently into his, comforted by the soft texture of skin and the way my hand fit perfectly into his.

Edward tugged me towards the garden, the nights' cool wind swirling my hair around my face. I gave a small, reassuring smile towards the Cullens that sat anxiously in the living room, watching us walk away hand in hand. We meandered gracefully through the back garden, neither of us speaking to one another. I could sense the tension in Edward's grip and I knew he was still furious with me.

I looked up towards the sky, observing the contrast of the dark sky and gleaming stars, breathing the clean air deeply. I felt Edward's gaze on me and I suddenly felt self conscious.

"You're so beautiful.." Edward breathed, his voice mute against the silent night. I looked away embarrassed and snorted delicately.

"No, Bella. You truly are. Don't hide your face from me.." He reassured me, spinning me towards him and holding my gaze. The moon shone on Edward's perfect face, the soft light heightening the beauty of his face and hair. He took my breath away. I took a step towards him, closing the distance between us, never breaking eye contact. Topaz on topaz. Finally equals.

I reached up and wrapped my arm tightly around his neck and drew him down to my height, pressing our lips forcefully together. His arms snaked around my waist and pulled me in tighter. The relief was instantaneous, finally having the contact with him I always craved. He moaned into my mouth, drawing me in closer, making up for all the years without kisses. The kiss deepened, our passion heightened. I sighed in relief as we continued, all my insecurities, fears and worries melting into our kiss. Edward pulled away gently and I whimpered quietly at the loss of his lips. Why didn't he realise that he couldn't break me now? That we were now equals? Unless, he wanted to have that talk before we got carried away..

My curiosity had now peaked. What did he want to tell me? Why were we out here? Take it slow, Bella.

"I love you, Edward. So much. More than anything in the world." I whispered, the love for him growing in me even more, quashing my fears and making my heart swell. Never have I been more sure of those words in my entire life. Edward grinned lovingly, his topaz eyes vibrant, sparkling with passion. I relaxed even more into his touch. He felt the same.

"You're my everything, Bella. My everything." Edward breathed, his voice sounding so confident, so true that I honestly believed his words. I smiled gently at him, falling deeper and harder in love with him. He leaned in for another kiss, our lips just inches away and I reluctantly stopped him. He groaned, pulling away and looking me in the eyes. The dazzling effect he had on me began to take its toll and I shook my stubbornly.

"Tell me what you wanted to talk about first." I demanded, my voice steel, but he suddenly tensed under my words. He remained silent, not moving, not breathing and I felt the anger return in his muscles, saw it flood his eyes and cover his face. I kept my gaze on him, waiting for his words, waiting for his 'talk'.

"I don't know how to put it.." Edward said slowly, furrowing his brow and pulling himself away from me. I ached to pull him back into my grasp, but I simply let my arms hang awkwardly by my side.

"Just say it Edward. You won't offend me." I reassured him, knowing how he always took my feelings into account before he spoke. I was unbreakable now and I doubted that his words would cause even a scratch on the surface.

"It's just.." He started again, but then cut himself off, shaking his head at himself and running his hand through his hair angrily, tugging on the ends, venting his emotions.

"Edward!" I said irritated getting impatient as I stepped forward and grabbed his arm, pulling on it, willing it to drop and to let go of his beautiful hair. He quickly grasped my hand in his and squeezed it tightly, almost as if he was reassuring himself that I was even there.

"You _will_ tell me the truth, do you understand?" Edward growled, his voice demanding and by the way, his eyes bore down into mine, I knew I'd have to. He'd see right through me if I lied. I jerked my head in a quick nod, my throat suddenly becoming dry. What if he made me admit to something I didn't want to tell? Suddenly, Edward's hard gaze softened, the anger leaving his features. Pain replaced the anger and the agony I'd seen so many times, entered his eyes. His voice suddenly sounded so small, barely audible even when he was right next to me.

"How much weight did you lose when we.. when I left? Tell me truthfully. How much?"

**AN: Cliffhanger;)**


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Breaking His Heart

**AN: Sorry for such the long update; I've been quite busy with my GCSE'S. Thank you all for hanging on and writing such fantastic reviews. Much love and enjoy. SM owns the characters and I make them do what I want. **

Chapter Seventeen: Breaking Everything.

"Get away from me!" I growled loudly, my voice cold as tears burned my eyes furiously. Never had I hated myself as much as I did now; the self hatred swallowing me up and consuming every piece of confidence I owned. I knew what he was hinting and that hurt. So much. I was too thin for him; I wasn't like Rosalie, I didn't have the voluptuous curves, the feminine and soft lines that made a girl feel like a woman. I wasn't perfect and that's what scared me.

Edward deserved perfect and I couldn't give him that; I was a broken and beaten teenager that relied on a family that had left me. What sort of person does that?

Me, I guess. My fists clenched angrily, my skin stretching over my knuckles tightly. Why couldn't I give Edward what he deserved? What he was worthy of? I was nothing and I never would be; the reality of my epiphany stinging like a slap to my face.

Edward was now a few feet away from me, his posture tense and defensive as he crossed his arms stubbornly, trying to stare me down with his ochre eyes. He wouldn't get an answer, I refused to give him one. In all honesty, I didn't know the exact amount; infact, it hadn't crossed my mind for so many years until today.

I never intentionally made myself lose weight. I didn't stand infront of the mirror, picturing myself thinner or counting the calories I ate everyday. I didn't skip meals, I didn't weigh myself every night, cursing the numbers loudly. I already knew the cause for my weight loss and the name brought out a low growl from within me.

_Charlie. _

He'd done this. He had ruined my life. He had made me who I am today- a weak, broken girl that didn't have a hold of beauty over my soul mate. He made me too skinny, he made me flinch at a raised hand or clenched fist and I cursed him to the deepest depths of hell for it. All I wanted was a father who loved me, who thanked me when I made them dinner, laughed when I told them a joke and told me how proud the were when I graduated.

I faltered slightly, my eyes aching from the unshed tears. All I ever wanted to be was loved.

My face twisted slightly as I remembered the stinging slaps, the forceful punches, the hateful words. Something in my expression made Edward suddenly drop his cold and demanding stance; made his eyes in molten pools of burning liquid and his mouth twist down into a frown.

"Bella?" His voice was muted now, I could barely hear him over the breeze but I sensed the urgency in his tone, the worry colouring his voice. I tensed again, remembering what we were talking about and why we were here. I didn't answer him, I didn't have anything to say. He took a step forward, his footfalls cautious and apprehensive. I wanted to run into his arms, for him to pick me up and reassure me with his perfect lips but a sudden idea stopped me in my tracks.

I still needed to get to Victoria, somehow, in the next 15 minutes. So, how could I possibly escape the Cullens watch within that time? The answer was ' I could not', it was physically impossible. The only chance I had to get to the baseball field was by running now, away from Edward; but he was the fastest, he'd catch me in no time.

_Then make sure he doesn't follow you_.

My plan suddenly clicked into place, just like that. What I was about to do was unforgivable, inexcusable and expectionally deceitful but it was for the Cullen's safety and I would go through any plan to make them safe. I breathed out, a deep force twisting my heart as I braced myself for what I was about to say.

"Stay away from me, Edward. Don't come any closer. I mean it. Leave me alone." I growled menacingly, but my voice contradicted what I felt. It was an odd sensation, like something slowly pulling open the carefully, sealed wound in my chest. The pain took my breath away but I forced myself to look calm. Edward blinked, shocked. His arms fell automatically to his sides like I had commanded to do so.

Pain filled up his eyes, covering every inch of his beautiful, topaz orbs. I was hurting him, I was making him hurt and I did nothing but stand there and allow it. I was a monster. The darkest kind.

"Bella, please.. I didn't mean it like that. Don't.. Don't do this." Edward pleaded, his voice rough with panic, as he paused after every word, like it was paining him to talk. I'd never seen Edward at loss for words, never seen him stop his own sentences to make sure he was saying the right thing. His form shook for a second, almost as if he was about to collaspe under the hurt of my words. I had to physically stop myself from reaching out and comforting him.

"I know exactly what you mean, Edward." I muttered coldly, forcing the lie out of my clenched teeth, watching him, waiting for his reaction. He stood there a moment, staring right back at me, right into the depths of my eyes.

"You're trying to say that I'm not good enough for you. That I'm too thin for you. I always knew I could never keep a hold on you, that I would never be what you needed. I'm all wrong for you, Edward. You deserve perfect and I'm not. I realize that now." Nothing I had just said was a lie, all of it was the truth in my ears. A slow cloud of numbness drifted over me as I watched Edward struggle with his emotions, struggle with his composure. I could see him fighting the agony, pushing it out of his mind but I knew it was still there. Edward closed his eyes briefly, his breaths quick and uneven, his face twisting with an emotion I couldn't place.

"Don't Bella. Just, don't. Never think like that. It's all lies. Every single one of them. Please." Edward begged as his hands trembled ever so slightly. He was afraid. Afraid that I would leave him. I felt my composure crumbling.

No, Bella! You've got to do this for the Cullens. For him.

I captured my resolve at the last second and fixed it strongly. It was for him, it would always be for him. All I had to do was act. Act like I was so angry and upset that I needed time alone, I'd tell him to leave him me alone and he would respect that wish. Then, I'd run. Run to the baseball field and make the Cullen's safe.

"Don't follow me, don't try and track me, don't come look for me. Just leave me alone." I commanded angrily, as I felt my heart contract painfully in my chest. As soon as those words left my mouth, I knew I had gone too far, I knew I had hurt him beyond repair.

Edward suddenly collapsed to knees, pressing his face into his hands as his body shook with heartbroken sobs. I had never seen him like this, ever, and I had made him like that. I took a step back. I would never forgive myself. I was a monster of the worst ever kind, I deserved to die. I reached down and kissed Edward softly on his forehead as his silk, bronze hair brushed against my lips. I breathed in deeply, remembering his scent and the feel of hair- who knew when I'd feel or smell that again.

I frowned as I pulled away from Edward, my eyes blind with tears. The fault line in my chest ripped so wide that I staggered backwards. Please forgive me, Edward. Please.

As Edward leant into the earth, another sob erupting from his chest, I knew what I had to do. I would kill Victoria, destroy every single newborn in my way and then catch the next plane to Volterra. I deserved nothing more than death.

I slowly made myself turn away from Edward, made myself turn my back on my soul mate. I deserved to be killed.

"Goodbye, Edward." I breathed, so softly, so brokenly, that I wasn't sure whether he heard me. I ran. I ran towards the baseball field, towards my possible death.

**AN: I would just like to say that extreme weight loss, anorexia, bulimia and any other eating disorders are VERY serious and I mean NO offence to anyone who has gone through anything like that. I know how bad it can be. **

**If you enjoy this story, then please read my other story- In Pain's Grip. It is about Bella in the time period of New Moon- Lots of drama, sadness and twists! Edward and the Cullens come back and see how she is!**


	18. Chapter Eighteen: Peace At Last?

**AN: Sorry for the slow update! Anyway, much love from me!- Enjoy, review, follow, favourite! SM owns the characters and I make them do what I want.**

Chapter Eighteen: Peace At Last.

My eyes locked on hers; the onyx orbs dancing with excitement, with anger. My vision began to tinge red, the edges burning crimson as I continued to watch every move she made, every breath she took. I didn't have to be a psychic to know that she would die soon; I would be sure of it. Even with the anger that consumed me, I felt oddly empty, like this body wasn't mine. Although I tried not to dwell on it, I knew that feeling and I knew what caused it.

When then was over, when Victoria was dead- I would have no one, I would be alone again. Edward and his family would never take me back after what I had done to him. Pain twisted my heart, as I thought of the many years to come- empty, lonely and oh, so cold. A loud growl broke me out of my thoughts and I snapped back into the present.

The vampire before me was as beautiful as she was deadly. The untamed orange hair that matched her twisted personality framed her eternal face as her black eyes watched me excitedly, waiting for my move, for my weakness. Her lips were stretched into a wide, wicked smile as I shifted my weight slightly.

Yet, even as my hatred for Victoria grew with every pointless breath, I couldn't help the pity that clouded my mind. The anger she felt was just. If anybody contributed to Edward's end, I would track them down and make sure they felt my pain, my helplessness. I was what she wanted. In a certain way, she deserved justice, deserved revenge for her mate's death.

"Bella." Victoria snarled, her voice tight with anger, yet the sick smile still sat on her lips. I cocked my head slightly to the side out of curiosity- she was furious yet smiling? My eyes flickered to the surrounding forest, wondering if I had missed something obvious.

That's when I noticed them. A roll of nausea washed over me, as I counted them twice, three times. The number just kept growing. I swallowed loudly, the count racking in my head. I wouldn't survive three seconds with that amount of newborns here. Their pale faces contrasted against the range of shades of hair, their hellish crimson eyes watching me hungrily, waiting for the order for my death, for my execution.

This was it. This was the end. I breathed in deeply, trying to calm myself down, when a sudden horrid stench almost made me gag in sickness. The cloying smell of wet dog filled my nostrils and my face screwed up in distate. Was that one of the newborn's abilities? Digust? I turned my head to search for the source and that's when I saw them. So familiar, so much like the same I saw in the meadow..

The wolves. Sam, Quil, Paul, Embry, Leah, Seth.. Jacob. Tears burned in my eyes- my sun, my light in the endless darkness I had faced. Victoria's head whipped up, eyeing the large beasts with a wary gaze, as the smile dropped from her face.

The russet coloured wolf's eyes flickered briefly to mine and whined softly, the sound making me shiver. Jacob. My best friend. My saviour. Without him, I would be dead. Literally. He saved me from Laurent. From the current. From myself.. I gripped my hands tightly in my jeans, resisting the urge to try and embrace him. He imprinted, Bella? Remember?

A loud growl suddenly erupted from Victoria, as she took several steps towards the wolves, her posture tense as the wolves snarled loudly. She began to drop into a crouch, a crouch I knew so well.. She was going to attack.

Without thinking, I launched myself at Victoria, the sound crashing around the mountains and forest. She snarled venomously, her eyes deep with fury as she clawed at my grip, trying to pry myself off her arms. The sound of wolves yelping made my head shoot up in panic. Please don't be Jacob, please don't be Jacob. Paul was pinned to the floor, a newborn clutching at his legs with their iron grip. He yelped again, trying to turn off his back, so his middle wasn't exposed.

I loosened my grip on Victoria, debating on whether to help. Would one of the wolves help him, or would Paul have to fend for himself? A scorching pain suddenly ebbed through my wrist and I cried out in pain; the agony crawling up my arm and around my body. My hand throbbed in affliction. My head swung back down to look at Victoria, her teeth glistening in delight. Venom trickled down my arm in a thin trail.

She'd bit me.

It wasn't the first time.

Ignoring the pain in my wrist, I twisted her hands and flung myself over her shoulder and as she rocketed into the earth, I pushed her forward with all my strength. A uproarious sound slammed through the snarling air, the sound of ground splitting echoing through my ears. Victoria's snarl was vociferous even when the earth muffled it; I cringed away from the sound, denying my mind the thought of what I was about to do. I was going to kill someone.

She threatened Edward. Jacob. Your entire family. She took your human life away. You'll always be this. A monster. Never moving.

With that, I placed my foot harshly on the bottom of her back, pushing down harder than necessary. This is for hurting me. I tightened my grip on her wrists, yanking her arms backwards. She screeched in protest, but my resolve was set. This is for threatening my entire existence. I smiled wickedly, my mind becoming more incoherent by the second; the edges of my sight burning a bright crimson than before. I was beyond myself.

The anger I promised I wouldn't let resurface, overcome me. All the fury I felt from Edward's absence, Charlie's beatings, Jacob's abandonment, my immortality. Everything that ever made me mad, I was directing at the vampire I was currently destroying. My mind was filled with nothing but the sorrow, the bitterness, the heartfelt cruelty I went through in the past 100 years. I imagined Victoria as Charlie, as James, as herself.

I hope they all go to hell and suffer.

Without warning, a pair of strong muscular arms wrapped themselves tightly around my middle, pulling me up and away from Victoria, away from the chance of revenge. I struggled violently in the person's grip, my vision blurring with furious tears. I was so angry, so tired, so upset of everything. I just wished for an okay life; proud parents, a family, love. Instead, I got an abusive dad, a family that left me and a broken heart. I wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and die peacefully. Was that so much to ask?

The arms around me tightened, as murmurs swirled around me, but I was too mad to understand anything that was being said. There was an incessant pounding in my head, throbbing with unshed tears, with unreleased anger; my hearing was consumed with the constant thud in my mind.

Victoria was still in my sight, but something was wrong, different. Two pale figures were towering above her, their faces faintly recognizable. Plumes of acidic, purple smoke clouded my vision and the cloying smell of burning vampires swirling around my lungs. Soft words drifted into my ear, but I didn't want to listen to them, I didn't want to be comforted. All I wanted right now was to kill Victoria; to watch her burn. My gaze flitted from the two figures to someone along the forest's edge; my curiosity peaked. Even with my red- tinted vision, I could tell it was a vampire- the pale skin, angular features, gracefulness even when still.

Why weren't they being burnt? Why weren't these people trying to kill them as well? I peered closer, the crimson slowing draining from my vision, the anger receding in my body- I was gaining back my self control, my fury seeming more unjust by the second.

The figure took a few lithe steps towards me, a noticeably large grin stretched widely across their face. I tilted my head to the side in confusion. I had seen this vampire somewhere before. But where? The disarrayed blonde hair, wild crimson eyes, tattered clothes.. Then it all come back to me; heavy with dread.

I felt myself blanche, the life suddenly draining away from my face. My throat became instantly dry, my tongue lead in my mouth. I couldn't even breathe, the air getting stuck in my lungs, making my head spin wildly. How could he be here? It was physically impossible. If he was real and alive, then nothing made sense anymore. Dread made me stomach roll painfully, the feeling of sickness spreading within me. I shook violently, as the smile on his face widened wickedly.

"She's not coping very well.." A musical voice coasted pleasantly into my hearing, the tone almost surprised as I continued to keep my eyes on the man before me. I couldn't recognise the voice, but I instantly knew it was someone fairly old. The tone was authorative and ancient like they had power over every living thing, every single vampire.

"Try to snap her out of it, Felix." This voice was a lot weaker than the first, the tone was bland, almost bored as they suggested an option to whoever Felix was.

"If she won't stop, we'll have to give her to James.."


	19. Chapter Nineteen: He's Back

**AN: You probably all want to kill me with such a slow update! I'm so sorry, honestly. But I thank you so much for holding on! Enjoy! I own none of the characters.**

Chapter Nineteen: He's Back.

I ran for my life. It was as simple as that. It wasn't for the thrill of the air blowing through my hair or a challenged race- I sprinted for my pitiful existence. Panic fueled the fire that served as my energy resource, as I tried to get to the Cullens as quickly as possible. I pushed myself harder, frustrated that I couldn't get there faster.

Incomprehensible thoughts pounded painfully in my head, buzzing in no order, demanding to be made sense of. How was _he_ back? How was that even possible? The sound of his brutal finishing still echoed in my mind, the sound of his flesh being ripped apart in the ballet studio was crystal clear in my conscience. The fire burnt him. I could clearly smell the floorboards being doused with gasoline, so how on earth could he of survived?

Nothing made sense and that frightened me, more than anything. If he was back and alive and real, then how was anything else right?

Trees flew past me, even the foliage blurring with my perfect vision; I couldn't get to the Cullens soon enough. Their house was in sight now, growing in size as I approached it with the same speed as I had been sprinting. _He_ could be there now.

I swallowed the painful lump in my throat, as I barged the door open. It swung off its hinges, hitting the floor with an almighty thud, but I didn't have the time to care. Dashing into the living room, I scanned it with unbelievable speed.

"Bella? What the hell did you think you were playing at?!" Alice exclaimed, anger flashing brightly in her tawny eyes. Relief flooded me and I relaxed immediately. They were safe, James hadn't got to them. A pair of thin fingers snapped impatiently in my face, as I refused to answer the question.

All of sudden, words attacked me from all sides. Furious voices, angry exclamations, venom like speech piercing my already still heart. They didn't want me here. That much I knew. I blinked unseeingly, eyes burning with unshed tears; how unwanted I suddenly felt.

Without warning, a hand was gently placed on my shoulder, causing me to flinch so violently, I stumbled. The enslaught of voices ceased to exist, as quiet whispers replaced them, floating softly into my hearing. A painful ringing in my ears made it impossible to hear what was being said. A gasp echoed around the room, as warm fingers wrapped themselves gently around my wrist, turning it upwards so they could see the still, fresh wound that Victoria had inflicted on me.

"Bella? Are you alright?" The voice drifted into my ears. Carlisle. For once in my entire life, I didn't hide how I was truly feeling, so I shook my head negatively. Murmurs filled the air again, as I gazed unseeingly into the ground.

"What happened, Alice?" Jasper asked quietly, but I barely picked up the words. She sounded upset.

"A long story short- She went to fight Victoria, but didn't account for the fact that she had newborns with her. My vision was suddenly blocked, then the Volturi were there. Another vampire appeared seperately, but I couldn't see his face. She's lucky to have even survived."

I sucked in a deep breath, remembering why I had been so anxious to get here as quickly as possible. Material swished gently around me, whispering around the tense room. A loud crash suddenly sounded and I snapped out of my reverie; yanking the hand roughly off my shoulder and spinning around wildly.

The Cullens had all been around me; Rosalie, Emmett and Esme on the left hand side of Carlisle and Jasper, Alice and Edward on the other. I quickly diverted my gaze away from him, memories rising painfully in my chest. Every pair of eyes were on me; ranging between concern, caution and apprehension. Carlisle lifted his hands up in surrender, trying to show he wasn't a threat.

I rolled my shoulders back, relaxing my posture. Alice opened her mouth to talk, eyes stormy, but I cut her off with a glare.

"I did what I had to. So do_ not_ try and lecture me with your lamenting words because there is something bigger and a lot more complicated than you could ever imagine. So. Get. Off. My. Back." I growled, clenching my fists tightly, anger bubbling dangerously inside of me. Alice blinked with shock at my outburst.

"Calm down, Bella. Just explain it to us. What do you mean 'something bigger and more complicated?'" Carlisle asked gently, topaz eyes gentle and curious. I scoffed flippantly, crossing my arms defensively.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me." He responded, just as quickly as I had said it, raising a blonde eyebrow at me, daring me to share the knowledge. I met his gaze, eyes burning with so much wisdom and understanding, that I unsure whether he would really not believe me.

"He's back." I said simply, shrugging, but even I couldn't hide the shudder that rippled through me, when I remembered. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Edward in corner of my eye, his arms crossed arrogantly, a bored expression masked on his face. I frowned. That was unusual.

"Who?" Carlisle asked, voice tinged with impatience. That was very strange aswell. Carlisle impatient? I peered closer at him. He looked the same as he always did, but his eyes had begun to harden, turning the molten gold into a solid.

This wasn't right.

I took a fearful step back, unsure of what I was seeing. Their actions were so wrong. So not them. Emmett with a serious expression, Rosalie with a friendly smile, Esme with narrowed, hostile eyes, Alice completely still.

This was not right. This wasn't them. But, this was there house. They looked the same, they sounded the same, but their movement, their actions were completely wrong.

So what was wrong with the Cullens?

**AN: Can you guess what is wrong with them? Are they even the Cullens?**


	20. Chapter Twenty: Nikohl

**AN: This is the first time I've ever added in a OC before; I hope you enjoy! The new character is based on one of my closest friend, so review and tell me what you think! Enjoy!**

Chapter Twenty: Nikohl.

I could sense them before they had even arrived; the eerie and menacing atmosphere that swirled around them slowly floated through the air into the living room. I tensed fearfully, muscles stiffening as I took an instinctive step backwards, the room suddenly feeling claustrophobic. I paid little attention to the 'Cullens' who had strangely situated themselves on the far side of the room, as distanced from me as possible. Out of the way of the door. How strange.

I kept my eyes locked onto the doorway of the house, not even daring to blink incase they slipped through. The aura of the room shifted immediately, coldness blindly feeling its way towards me, slipping its icy fingers around my exposed neck. I swallowed roughly, darkness gradually falling around the living room like a mist of black descending from invisible clouds.

Out of the corner of my eye, the Cullens never looked more different. Somber, topaz eyes that had began to swirl, ever so slowly, with a intense shade of carmine red. I held back a shiver, the sight unnerving me. Maybe I was seeing things. There was no way they could of looked so detatched, so diverse. I blinked once, trying to clear my already perfect vision.

That's all it took. Half a millisecond of distraction, a flicker of an eyelid and they'd swept in so gracefully, so elegantly that it appeared they floated over the wooden floor. It was an unsettling sight, seeing the Volturi approach you with the passive faces of cold- blooded killers, demanding the respect of royalty in return for your continued existence. I unconsciously shuddered, as they slowed down their controlled walk, keeping in their arrow formation.

Aro, Marcus and Caius stayed at the front of the grouping, eyes cold and calculating, as my gaze slid to the other members behind them. They were in the smallest number I'd ever seen them in, only 5 situated behind them.

I recognized the large one called Felix almost instantaneously; he wasn't as muscular as Emmett, but his height and chilling smile made up for that. Beside him was a young girl that looked like a child, her baby face was harsh and eerily forbidding. Her dirty blonde hair was up in a perfectly, straight bun, not a strand out of place. The girl's eyes were the most menacing; fire brick red, flickering with impatience to inflict pain. She made me uneasy. Next to the 'teenage' girl was an equally angelic boy. His hair was dark brown, just touching his neck in straight locks, he was taller in stature than the girl next to him. They looked so alike, I wouldn't be surprised if they weren't related somehow.

Slightly behind the rest was an aristocratic male with an olive complexion and a slight chalky pallor. His hair was dark gold in colour, tousled by the obvious wind outside. He stood at least 6'3 ft tall, his body muscular yet lean. His burgundy eyes were protective and wary, flickering to the person stood under his arm every minute or so. Now, I was curious. A Volturi guard showing emotion? Now that was interesting.

I glanced down to the woman wrapped protectively underneath his arm; partially hidden by her large, black hood. Soft, sepia curls tumbled perfectly over her prominent shoulder, hints of sienna and burnt umber shining softly in her hair even in the ever growing darkness. Her face was perfectly angular, toned cheekbones jutting through her pale skin. She lifted her head sharply, sensing that I was observing her. Vivid, crimson eyes locked onto mine, framed with thick, brown lashes. Her gaze held me in a captivating stare that only held one word for me. Newborn. But it seemed impossible. She was so controlled and collected, remaining relaxed even when there were 'enemy'vampires nearby. She blinked once and swiftly looked away, leaning subconsciously into the protective male.

I thought back for a second, back to when I was human, back to when I was stood infront of the Volturi portrait. I scanned the memory quickly, noting how this mysterious girl was nowhere to be found on the painting. She must be newborn then.

Aro cleared his throat politely, throwing me out of my thoughts. I eyed him warily, my body naturally tensing, as he smiled with amusement.

"Sorry for the intrusion, dear Isabella. I'd hope we'd meet on better circumstances." Aro chuckled dryly, not even acknowledging the 'Cullens' grouped in the far corner. The large vampire who stood by Aro, briefly glanced at the other coven on the other side before smirking with amusement. I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously.

"What do you want?" I asked angrily, crossing my arms defensively, the idea of them invading the Cullens househould making me furious. This was their home, their place of peace. Aro's smile faltered slightly, at my biting tone, but he still kept up his cheerful appearance.

"Now, Isabella. I'm being polite. You could at least extend the courtesy. Aren't you glad to see us?" He questioned, kindess layered thickly onto his voice. I clenched my fists tightly, resisting the urge to punch him in his stupid, smirking face.

"Glad to see you? You must be a optimist." I retorted icily, watching his eyes briefly flash with that buried anger I knew he possessed. Centuries could do that to a person. Caius and the blonde girl growled angrily at me, their teeth glistening dangerously, as I insulted Aro. Marcus stood impassively by his side, no emotion suggesting he remotely interested in what was happening.

"Nikohl. Come, my dear." He called softly, holding his hand out to his side. Surprisingly, the cryptic girl near the back stepped forward, gently wrapping her hand around Aro's as she kept her gaze to the floor. I watched curiously as the golden haired male's hand reached instinctively out towards the girl, a look of indecision sweeping across his face.

Must be his mate.

"Yes, Aro?" The girl, who must be called Nikohl, asked. Her voice was lilting, like dripping honey, so soft and gentle that it wasn't a surprise when Aro relaxed even more than he was.

"Teach her some manners, dear." Aro spoke clearly, smugness seeping a little into his tone, as I tensed. Was she going to try and fight me? Nikohl nodded once, pulling her hand off Aro's and turning slightly to face me. A growl began to rise up my throat, as she eyed me passively, boredom briefly passing over her features. Then her eyes were on mine and I couldn't move.

I was blissfully in no control over my body, as my mouth opened forming words that I had no idea I was saying. It felt strange, not being in control of my body; not being responsible for my actions.

"Please forgive me, Aro. My attitude towards you was inexcusable." Even my tone was sincere, but that wasn't me. I was saying it, but I wasn't. Confusion swam in my mind, as I continued on with a lengthy apology. My mouth felt dry, as panic began to grip me. She could get me to do anything and I wouldn't be able to fight it. She could order me to execute the Cullens and I would have no choice.

"That's enough, dear." Aro commanded, placing a hand gently on her shoulder. Nikohl's eyes flashed with annoyance, before letting me escape her controlling gaze. The frustration off her was unexpected. People that were part of the Volturi were usually glad to serve Aro, but she seemed to find it a chore. How odd.

A protective Volturi member and one that found her position on the guard boring. The 'Cullens' with changing, red eyes and an unexpecting visit off the Volturi. What was going on?

**AN: What do think of the OC? Review! Why are the Volturi visiting? Why are the Cullens eyes red?! **


	21. Chapter Twenty One: Her Words

**AN: I put this up so quickly because of my impatient friend-_- Only joking, I love you really! Hope you enjoy! ONLY THREE chapters left!:'( **

Chapter Twenty One- Reasoning and Losses.

Anger swirled with my fear, tainting the blackness of despair with the crimson of fury. I was so close. So very close to slipping away. Into what, I was not sure. I could easily fall into a pool of murder and rage or slip quietly into a hole of numbing darkness- the choice was mine, although the sick, twisted people in front of me could be an influence.

"Where are they?" I growled menacingly, topaz eyes burning, acid bubbling steadily in my veins. Aro blinked once, a cloud of surprise briefly passing on his face before settling onto innocence, which served to fuel my fury even more. He was _not_ innocent. He was murderer, a killer of his own kind.

"I haven't the faintest clue what you're suggesting, Bella." Aro stated smoothly, feigning pleasantry with a soft smile and kind, crimson eyes. I daringly took a step forward, the anger pulsing painfully through my mind, as I tried to control myself. One wrong move and they would tell me nothing. One false step and I would be dead.

"I'm being very calm, Aro. Extremely so. But even my self control has limits. So kindly, stop the lies and make this easy. _Tell_ me what you've done with them!" I tried to keep my voice steady and calm, but the storm brewing in my mind had other plans, sloshing my thoughts into a fury riddled state.

"Threats do not sit well with me, Bella. Even my kindness has an end." Aro's tone was still undetered, but the impatience that flashed through his eyes gave him away instantly.

"These are not the Cullens, Aro. _Never_ take me for a fool. Especially, when the family I _love_ is involved." I pointed an unsteady hand towards the coven of vampires that tensed visibly in the corner, their eyes wide, brimmed with emotion that I couldn't even translate.

I spared a second to glance at them, as they still continued to stare at me. I could pratically taste the anger and panic radiating off them. It was the feelings I was all too familiar with.

_"Come on Bella! Don't you give up!" _

My ears pricked instantly, as I instinctively took a step back. The voice was low, husky and so obviously filled with despair. The tone leaked desperation, filling every single corner of my body with a warmth of familarity. But, I couldn't place the voice. Why did it sound like I'd heard it before? My vision swam, as the colours of the Cullen's living room began to fade. The nude colours dripped into shades of white, the light diminishing in the room to a dim glow. It felt surreal. Like this wasn't even real.

Then someone spoke and like a light switch being flicked, everything turned back to normal. The shades of colour returned to beige and camel, the Volturi and 'Cullens' settled back into my vision. I shook my head, trying to clear my mind of confusion that had riddled it.

_"No! We've lost her!"_

The voice that spoke again was a stark contrast to the one before. It was melodic and achingly beautiful, the kind of tone that makes your heart flutter and stomach roll at the same time. I glanced up, expecting the colours to run like wet paint and for my vision to fade. But everything stade as it was. My eyes flickered anxiously over the Volturi guard, trying to seek out the one that was doing this. The one that was beginning to make me doubt my sanity by playing with my mind.

But no matter who I looked at, their faces remained impassive and stoic, unmoving like statues. Nausea worked its way up my throat and remained there, burning with such an intensity, I felt like I couldn't breathe. Panic singed my nerves, as I now desperately searched for the source of the voice.

My eyes swept over Nikohl, my gaze despairing as I scanned her eternal face with a burning look. She kept deathly still, not even breathing, as I inspected her expression. Something about her felt wrong. Like she didn't even belong there. She stuck out in a striking way, something ethreal radiating off her flawless skin, as she leant into the golden haired male.

She wasn't right.

She was the odd one out.

I kept my eyes on her for a second longer and that's when she snapped. Impatience and annoyance clouded her ruby eyes, as her pale hands clenched tightly into fists. I raised an eyebrow, watching her battle with an invisible force that beckoned her to fight. She breathed in deeply, fixtating her gaze on me with an intense look that almost made me stagger back.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed how Aro had turned towards the 'Cullens', his mouth moving speedily, as he talked rapidly, but I chose to block out his pointless words, his obvious lies. Rolling my shoulders back, I stood up a little taller, a primal instinct filling my senses, as if someone was getting too close to a wild animal.

Nikohl shifted her position slightly, exposing the front of herself hesistantly, almost with reluctance. The male that was her obvious mate wrapped an arm tightly around her waist, whispering something into her ear. But even my senses strained to hear them. She shook her head in what appeared to be disagreement. She yanked herself roughly out of his grasp, arms crossing tightly against her chest. Anguish flickered briefly across the male's features before disapearing.

Nikohl took three steps forward, her stride purposeful and confident, like she had already accepted what she was about to do. Caius stared down at her with distate, as she continued her journey towards me. I fought to stay where I was, the feeling of stepping back seeming all too pleasant.

Nikohl's gaze slid to Aro, a wary look battling its way into her eyes. But, Aro continued to talk, his voice smooth and elegant, as he continued to murmur to the others. His inky black hair swayed in a non existent breeze, swirling gently around his broad shoulders.

The 'Cullens' began to shudder, fear overtaking their eyes, as Aro carried on with a smirk gracing his lips. It was as if he hadn't noticed their distress or obvious intention to run away from him.

It was such a strange sight to see. All the time I had ever seen the Cullens, I had never been frightened. Angry and brave, yes. But never like this. Never so selfish in their fear. A protective instinct washed over me, demanding me to help them, but I had to keep telling herself that they weren't my family. They weren't my coven.

Nikohl was now face to face with me, a determined expression painted across her beautiful face, as she captured my attention. I eyed her warily, muscles tensing, waiting for her act, expecting her to start the violence that the Volturi craved.

"They aren't real, you know?" I was caught by surprise at the softness in her voice, as her pale hand raised gracefully to gesture to the 'Cullens'. I nodded my head slowly, waiting for the rest, expecting more than that simple piece of information. She smiled slightly, crimson eyes gentle as she continued.

"They're copies, so to speak. Vampires that have the ability to change their appearance to suit their needs. Aro seeked them out a while ago, specifically for this purpose. But, they have failed in their task to convince you, so they're sentenced to death." Nikohl explained further, her tone rapid, yet still comforting and gentle. Her words left me breathless in a wicked sort of sense. Their impending fate made my stomach twist uncomfortably, the outcome sickening me to my core. Yet, I couldn't help but feel the relief that I wasn't going mad, that I wasn't seeing things that weren't really there. Then confusion and panic set in, spreading quickly and painfully throughtout my body.

Why did Aro want me to be convinced? What was his plan? But most importantly, where were the real Cullens?

I took in a deep breath, but Nikohl seemed unfazed, biting her lip briefly, but then carrying on.

"You're not sure what is real and imaginary now. The confusion will carry on within you, Bella and it is going to tear you apart when you realise the truth." Sadness filled her eyes, as a knowing smile spread across her face.

"Maybe in a different life, Bella, we could of been good friends."

She turned sharply on her heel and walked briskly back to her mate, brushing past Caius with praticed ease, as if she had done it thousands of times before.

Bewilderment left me reeling. My mind stretched with the new knowledge that had been placed upon me. I tried to make sense of her words, but they drew no familiarity.

Even though I had only met her today, I already trusted her words.

And that scared me.

More than it should.

**AN: What do you think?**


	22. Chapter Twenty Two: Nothing Makes Sense

**AN: It is going to be making a lot more sense in this chapter, so thank you for sticking with it, even if the chapters have been terrible! I've dived straight into the action here, so sorry for no intro!**

I spoke first, breaking the stifling sentence with my indignant words. "Why are you even here, Aro? Your visit isn't warranted nor wanted. So, let's make this quick." Aro raised an eyebrow, allowing my tone to pass straight through him, although it looked like it took a great deal of effort on his part.

"It's funny, Bella, how you automatically assumed that me coming here would lead to harm to both you and the Cullens. Do you really think so lowly of me?" Aro rubbed his hands together slowly, saying the words slowly and so very sadly. I blinked. What did he expect?

"Well if you're not here to hurt me, then what are you here for?" I crossed my arms angrily, annoyed at how easily he expected me to trust him. You didn't do deals with the Volturi. You did not do deals with Aro. Those were the rules.

Aro glanced back briefly at Nikohl, crimson eyes burning with question. She met his intense gaze, steadily looked at me for a brief second and then nodded. I tilted my head in curiosity, interested in the interaction before me. Aro wanting acceptance off Nikohl? She must be an asset.

"You sent us here, Bella. Don't you remember? Surely you must." His words were like a slap to the face. It was insulting to my memory, but I couldn't dampen the sudden growing fear that flooded through my body.

Athazagoraphobia-The panic of forgetting. Aro played that card just subtly enough to make me doubt. You can't get rid something once it is in your head and he planted the insecurity just where I would notice.

"Sent you here? Are you serious? Me invite you? Here? You must be mad." I all but choked out, trying to keep my voice level, the beginning of torment beginning to swirl up into my throat.

"She doesn't remember." The male beside Nikohl murmured, eyes widening with surprise. Nikohl scowled at him, gaze burning. She dug her elbow deep into his ribs harshly.

"I said this would happen! Now, shut up Demetri!" Nikohl didn't bother to keep her voice down. It was furious, adamant and was tinged with another emotion that was barely recognisable. Panic? Fear? I couldn't tell.

"Our work here is done now here, Bella. You don't need us anymore. You have to let go now. Rid your mind of this ridiculous fantasy, clean yourself of this illusion. Do it now. All you have to do is remember." His words were quiet now, so very soft, so very.. wrong. I blinked again, stumbling backwards. I tried to breathe, but no air came in or out of my lungs, although I didn't need it I felt like my airways were burning.

"Illusion?" I managed to breathe out, the feeling intensifying. Something was wrong. So very not right.

"You jumped, remember? Off the cliff face near Jacobs. Stupid, but in the name of love, I suppose." Demetri cut through smoothly, arching his perfect, golden eyebrow, waiting for my reaction, assessing my next emotion.

The first thing I felt was pain. So much agony. I grabbed my head, the pulsing beating fiercely underneath my fingertips. Why did it hurt so much? Why won't it stop?

"She's suppose to remember by herself! Now look what you've done. She's burning up. She's remembering too quickly." The voice was muffled, but angry and I could vaguely hear it over the roaring of blood swishing too fast in my veins.

Blood moving in my veins?

Then the memories hit and I don't think the venom could ever compare to this. I dropped to my knees instantly, clutching my head with as much strength as I could manage.

Jacob. My tanned, best friend. Fixing motorbikes. Spanners. Bolts. Pizza. Laughs.. Nightmares. So, why did it hurt so much?

"Bella. Listen to me, hold on!" Nikohl was beside me now. When did she get there? Her cool fingers wrapped gently around my wrist, planting me firmly into reality. The temperature was a stark contrast to my burning skin.

I was burning?

Edward. Cold. Forest. Alone. Empty. Dead. They left me breathless, so very dead inside. I couldn't cope. A scream passed my lips. The sound was even appalling to my own ears. It was strangled, tortured and so loud. The drumming of my heart increased. Too fast. Much too fast.

Beating heart?

The room began to fade like it had before but this time was different. The colours began to bleach much too brightly, the light burning my eyes with their intensity. I squinted, rocking back and forth on my knees, trying to numb the pain that had burst behind my eyes, to try to stop the lights from becoming any brighter.

"I'm here, Bella. I'm always here. Just let it go. Just forget." Nikohl's voice was barely a breath in my ear. It sounded so far away, just like a whisper. Maybe that is all she was. Maybe that was all I would ever be. A beeping sound grew louder, more incessant. It picked up pace- too fast, much too fast. The whiteness swallowed me whole. I hadn't any time to even scream.

* * *

I jolted up, my head throbbing with a pressure that seemed to mount as the seconds ticked by, limbs tightening with sustained injury. I clutched the material beneath me, fearing the sudden feelings of hurt. The stiff sheets beneath my hands smelt of bleach and cheap washing powder. It reminded me too much of the hospital.

And that's when I began to truly panic, because the sight before me was indeed what I had always dreaded. I was in a hospital. In a bed. Tubes trailing out of both of my pale arms, a clear liquid dripping slowly into them. I suddenly gagged, reaching up to try and rid myself of the sickening feeling of having something shoved down my throat. Oxygen tubes were strapped tightly onto my nose, trailing to the back of my throat to help me breathe better. I yanked them out forcefully, ignoring the burning sensation that came with it.

Now, I was afraid. So very frightened, because I was disorientated, in a hospital and had a beating heart. The beeping began to pick up it tempo, until the lines began to touch the top of the monitor. I stared at it fascinated for a split second before I reacted. And did I react badly.

I ripped the tubes from my arms, pain shooting quickly throughout my body. Blood dripped from the holes in which the needles were placed and I tried not to pay attention to the crimson liquid that trailed slowly out of them. The heartbeat monitor was going crazy at that point. Much too fast. I tugged the hospital gown to the side slightly and pulled the pads off my chest, until the sound stopped.

I had to find out what was happening and fast. Confusion clouded my mind, as I staggered off the bed, swaying slightly and almost falling over. Tears burned my pupils and for what seemed like years, they actually split. Ran down my face like diamond streams. God, I was afraid. I was so scared.

The door that led to the exit of the hospital room seemed close, so very near to my left hand. I was desperate now. Desperate to feel the cool metal of the handle under my fingers that symbolized my freedom. I took a shaky step forward. And fell._ Smack._ Straight onto the cold, tiled floor. Pain blossomed through my right temple, stars of hurt bursting behind my eyelids.

I pressed my hands onto the tiles, using all my strength to lift myself off the floor. The only chance to get out was now. _Now up, Bella! _It took time to get onto my feet and damn it, I was wasting precious minutes of escaping and running. _Not that I was in any state to be sprinting._

* * *

The hospital corridors were empty, the silence deathly. I peered around the corner, expecting to see a mass of medical students eager to please their mature consultant or several gossiping nurses talking about the latest beauty tips. But I was met with none. _Maybe I had hope after all._

_One foot in front of the other, Bella. You can do this._

The faint sound of a office door being yanked open echoed down the corridor and I pressed myself quickly to the wall. Hurried footsteps pierced the silence that had fallen onto the hospital, nearing the room that I had been in just a mere 10 minutes ago. Material swished around the corner, a low breath coming out of someone's mouth furiously. I held my breath, pushed the pain of my head, throbbing limbs and uptempo heartbeat to the back of my mind and staggered on.

I had to get out of here.

Right now.

* * *

**AN: The next chapter will explain almost everything that is going on! So, please stick with this. What did you think? I'm sorry if I have confused anyone!**


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